I let my head fall back with a groan. “You’re right.”
“Of course I am,” she declares, lifting her chin proudly. “And you’re never going to convince her to live happily ever after with you unless you manage to win back her trust.”
“Even if I earn her trust again, she’s not interested in the kind of relationship I want. And she’s made it clear that there’s nothing I can say or do to change her mind,” I say defensively. But my heart’s still a little sore from earlier.
“Or maybe you just don’t want that happily ever after as badly as you think.”
I furrow my brow. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well, first of all, you’re not willing to compromise on what that looks like. You see only one formula and one answer, and you automatically mark all the other answers wrong,” she explains.
“Right is right, and the truth is the truth,” I reply, still confused. “I want to fall in love with someone who shares the same values as I do, to get married and have kids, to grow in holiness, and eventually spend eternity together. Is that not what I should be striving for?”
“But why does she have to agree with you on everything now for the rest of that to come true?” Daisy counters.
“Because I’d just be throwing myself at temptation,” I argue.
“Rowan, you can’t just opt out of falling in love if she doesn’t check every box on your list, especially since it sounds like you’re more worried about your pride than anything. Don’t you see how shallow and judgmental you’re being?”
I huff. “Is it so wrong to bypass a near occasion of sin and keep looking for someone who’s eager to help me get to heaven?”
“It is when you insist that the help meets your unreasonably high expectations. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be born into families like ours, you know, where our faith was instilled early on, and you can’t narrow your search to women who are already holier than you. You have to give everyone God puts in front of you a fair chance, to be patient and allow the Holy Spirit to work through you,” my sister dictates.
“So, what, we’re supposed to be missionaries in marriage, too?” I pose sarcastically, then wince at the way I sound.
“Maybe we’ve been called to grow in holiness as we bring others to God. And that requires an open heart, an open mind, and a willingness to meet people where they are … as well as the strength to resist temptation.”
I puff out my cheeks and blow out a breath, nodding in defeat. “When did you get so wise, Daisy?”
“I’ve always been wise. You’re the one who seems to have grown so stubborn practically overnight,” she replies matter-of-factly. But she gasps a second later, her hand flying up to her chest.
“What now?” I ask.
“It’s not my marriage to Landry that’s been bothering you, or even your guilty conscience after the night you and Claire met. You’ve already fallen for her, haven’t you?” she ventures, her eyes round.
“I’m not sure I’d go that far,” I begin, cringing when I remember what I’d let slip in front of Claire not even an hour ago.
Daisy glares at me shrewdly. “From what I hear, you’ve already gone quite far enough with her to contradict that claim.”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, yeah. I do like her … a lot. I mean, we have our differences, but we get along surprisingly well … until we don’t, I guess. Even when we argue, though, I can’t tell whether we’re fighting or flirting. It’s probably the most fun I’ve ever had,” I say with a short laugh. “Which I suppose means we have plenty of chemistry. And she’s beautiful, obviously.”
“Obviously,” my sister agrees, biting back a smile.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever found anyone more attractive, you know, physically,” I continue, my cheeks heating. “But there’s so much more to her than that. She’s funny and kind, and she’s open-minded. She’s knowledgeable and good at so many things, but somehow still humble and selfless, despite everything she’s been through. She has such a big heart, even though she tries to keep it tucked away. And, well, now that I think about it,” I pause to swallow hard, “I’ve never liked anyone as much as I like Claire.”
Daisy squeals this time. “And do you think it’s possible God put her in front of you for a reason, apart from saving you from an allergic reaction?”
“Absolutely,” I breathe.
Except I haven’t exactly been fulfilling my role as the “good influence,”I add in my head.
“Okay, so,” she begins, turning to face me. “Could you see yourselves together, living out the kind of future you want?”
I lick my lips as I consider Daisy’s suggestion. Even after our somewhat promising conversation during that NFP class, Claire doesn’t seem like she’s any closer to budging on the marriage front, as she was so quick to remind me earlier tonight.
“She doesn’t like me nearly enough to consider a second marriage. And even if her feelings were anywhere close to mine, I’m afraid there are entirely too many obstacles. For all we know, she might need an annulment before she could have a sacramental wedding, and I wouldn’t want to pressure her into anything like that.”
Daisy’s expression falls. “Are you sure? Maybe you can convince her?—”
