My stomach flutters when I think about the implications of him going out of his way for something so small. “That was really thoughtful of you.”
He shrugs again. “It was nothing. Grabbed these, too.” He pulls a hand from his pocket and opens his palm to reveal a couple of simple gold bands. “Were you able to get your flowers?”
“Right here.” I gesture to the kitchen counter where a small bouquet of pink and white camellias, roses, and daisies sits. “I made the arrangement myself.”
“You did a great job,” he replies awkwardly, shoving his hand back into his pocket.
I smile and blush at his compliment, then I step forward to straighten his tie. “Sorry, it’s still a little crooked,” I say, trying not to dwell on the feeling of his firm chest beneath my fingers or how good he smells.
“All done.” I take a step back. “Ready to go?”
He exhales. “I guess it’s now or never.”
It’s not the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard, but this isn’t exactly a romantic proposition, so I’ll take what I can get.
He takes me out to his Jeep and opens the door for me to climb inside, and he’s quiet on the way to the courthouse. In fact, he’s frowning at the road as he drives.
“So, um, you mentioned making an appointment with the judge?” I ask, breaking the silence.
“Yes. I called ahead so we could go right in. I’m hoping it’ll give us more privacy.”
“Good thinking,” I tell him with a forced smile as he pulls into the parking lot.
“I don’t see Blake’s truck here, so I guess that’s a good sign. I was worried he’d have court today,” he says to himself, then he lets out a shaky exhale.
“Landry, wait.” I reach out and stop him as he goes for the door. “Are you sure you want to go through with this? I mean, I completely understand if you need to back out.”
He furrows his brow as he turns to face me. “Have you changed your mind?”
“No,” I say quickly. “But I don’t want you to have any regrets.”
“It’s strange,” he says absently, “but I can’t shake this feeling …”
“Hey, if your heart is telling you something isn’t right, then you should listen to it. It could be the Holy Spirit, you know?” I offer with a sad smile.
“No, it’s not like that. I think I’ve been waiting for something to come up, like a sign that we shouldn’t do this. But the only thing bothering me is that I don’t feel bad about it.”
I blink away my surprise. “Oh.”
“Maybe it’s because I’m sort of apathetic about marriage in general, but I can’t think of a good reason not to move forward with our plan. How do you feel?” he asks me.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I answer, searching for a trace of that doubt he mentioned. But it’s not there. “I feel … safe.” I grasp his hand and squeeze it. “Nervous, but safe. Strangely confident in our decision, but also anxious and excited because … well, because it’s my wedding day, I guess.”
He smiles and nods. “Yeah. Same.”
I don’t tell him that last part feels more like butterflies or that I suspect he’s the reason those butterflies have taken up permanent residence in my stomach. But they must be here because of Landry, since I’m pretty sure they arrived the moment he agreed to shack up with me.
I glance down at the bundle of flowers in my lap as the silver crucifix from my favorite rosary glints in the sunlight. I’d tucked the string of mint green beads into my bouquet earlier. It might seem silly or even superstitious to anyone else, especially when this isn’t a sacramental wedding, but I’ve always loved this tradition. I usually carry some form of a rosary on me as both a reminder to say the prayers and a reassurance that Mama Mary has my back. Aside from the sacraments, intercessory prayer is one of my favorite elements of the Catholic faith. I still pray directly, of course. But I take comfort in knowing that I can ask the Blessed Mother to whisper into Jesus’ ear on my behalf, especially since He has a hard time denying his mother’s requests.
“Landry.” I turn to face him. “I think we should pray together first.”
He flinches. “I … I don’t …”
I reach over and take his hand in mine, but he looks like he’s barely managing not to tug it back. “I know this isn’t a ceremony ordained by God or anything like that, and I realize it’s somewhat ironic since we aren’t doing this because we’reinlove. But this is still a great act of love and charity on your part, one that I’m unbelievably grateful for.”
Landry’s throat bobs, and he nods hesitantly, and I could swear his eyes even look a little glossy. “You’ll have to say it, though—the prayer.”
I smile and give his hand a slight squeeze before I use the other to make the sign of the cross, stifling a laugh at the way he adorably and awkwardly tries to use his left hand to mime the gesture. Then I repeat my affirmations, adding a request for God to bless us in our endeavor before leading Landry in the Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be.
