I’m quiet for a while as I think about what she’s saying. “Why do you care so much about what happens between Daisy and me?” I ask again.
“Because I love you,” she chokes out, her eyes watering again, “despite the way I’ve done such a shitty job of showing it.”
“Because I’m your brother, and you have to love me,” I correct her. “And you want to make sure I’m just content enough to stay out of your way.”
“No,” she says and reaches out to squeeze my hand this time. “I love our parents because I have to. I love Lilley because she’s my big sister, and she’s fun. But you, Landry, I love you because of who you are—one of the most loyal, selfless, and caring humans I’ve ever known. You were my very first friend, my ally, and the one person I could always depend on, no matter what. But regardless of the fact that you’re my brother, you deserve to feel loved and appreciated, completely apart from everything you’ve done for me and everything you’ve overcome to become the man you are today.”
I blink away the moisture in my eyes. “Even if I’m still an ass most of the time?” I venture after a while.
“Nobuts, remember?” she says, laughing and bringing her free hand up to swipe at her cheeks. “Although, it has been brought to my attention that I may have antagonized you a time or two, and therefore I might have caused you to develop or even sharpen yourbrutedisposition over the years …”
“I wonder who was brave enough to raise that point,” I reply, unable to stop myself from smiling.
“I suppose both of our spouses have had to learn that we Reeds have a tendency to get short-tempered when we’re anxious, especially when it comes to our parental responsibilities,” she quips.
I sniffle and wipe my own nose. “Parental responsibilities?”
She sighs. “I’m sorry I was too stupid to say this before … but thank you for taking care of me all this time. I think I’ve been so wrapped up in my own grief that I never stopped to consider yours. You never got the chance to be sad or angry about us having to raise ourselves; you just did what needed to be done, despite not getting the love, recognition, and acceptance you deserved, especially from Mom, Dad, and me.”
My brow furrows. “I didn’t do any of that because I wanted you to think you owed me anything. I was only trying to protect you and spare you from the way they made me feel.” I pause and exhale before I continue. “And maybe a small part of me thought I could make them proud, you know? Maybe if I kept Mom under control and made sure you were safe and had everything you needed, then Dad would say I was doing a good job at something … for once.”
She reaches up to cover her mouth, and I shake my head again
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to?—”
“No, Landry,” she says through her tears. “To hell with Mom and Dad. I mean, sure, they could have been worse, but the nicest thing they’ve done is teach us exactly whatnotto do as parents. I’m sure I’ve already started making plenty of my own mistakes, but I’ll be damned if I let my kids grow up feeling this way.” She exhales and dries her face before she continues. “Okay, maybe notto hellwith them, but …”
I huff out a laugh and sniff. “Like you said, we still have to love them, right?”
“Look, I’m no therapist, and I totally recommend getting one, by the way, but I think you need to hear this. Letting go of my expectations for our parents was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I’d held on to this ideal for so long, and I thought it was enough to forgive them for making me feel like I wasn’t worthy of their attention. But I couldn’t learn to love myself until I made the conscious decision to love them for who they are, too. It’s like … I had to mourn the mother I thought I should’ve had and accept the one I did have for who she is and what she’s actually capable of. It wasn’t fair of me to keep resenting Mom for falling short, especially once I realized she really was trying, in her own way. And we’ll probably never have the mother-daughter relationship I wanted, but I’m grateful for what we do have now.”
Her words sound so wise that I have to open and close my mouth a few times before I can form a response. “I guess I could be doing that, too, but with Dad.”
“Maybe we’re all doing that with one another?” she offers.
“Yeah. Maybe.” I look down at our joined hands. “I’m proud of you, though. You’re much better at adulting than I’ve given you credit for, and you’re already an amazing mom.”
“It took a lot of help, some of it professional, but I think I’m getting there. And you,” she reaches up to poke my shoulder, “are going to be an incredible father one day, in spite of all this, all right?”
“I’m never going to be a father,” I tell her with a rueful smile. “I can’t even stop myself from trying to break up your marriage, much less be bothered to attempt one myself. Well, a real marriage, anyway.”
“You could never break up my marriage,” she declares with a laugh. “And it’s not your fault that Blake and I ended up taking the long road, either. In fact, you’re not going to like this, but one of my biggest weaknesses has always been hearing Blake say, ‘I’m not afraid of Landry Reed,’ in his husky, bedroom voice.” She lowers her tone and bounces her eyebrows suggestively, and I grimace as I scoot farther away from her.
“Why do you always have to go and make it so much weirder than it needs to be?”
“Because I’m a weirdo, and it’s fun making you squirm,” she replies with a grin, and I roll my eyes. “You didn’t seriously think what happened back there could cause an actual rift between Blake and me, did you?”
I shrug, embarrassed. “Well, yeah. You seemed pretty upset with all of us.”
“Pssht.” She waves off my trepidation. “I’m a brat, remember? That’s why I married a man who isn’t afraid to call me out on my bullshit.”
“So, you’re not fighting anymore?”
“Technically, I’m still pretending to be mad, but that’s only so he’ll suck up to me later,” she says matter-of-factly. Then she cups her mouth and whispers, “Also, I made Tenley check my chart before I left, and we’re not in the clear for makeup sex for another day or two. So I may have to drag this out a little longer if I don’t want to end up pregnant again.”
I cringe. “Would you stop doing that?”
“Nope.” She smiles again. “Not until you admit how badly you wanna do all that mushy, lovey-dovey, spicy stuff with Daisy.”
