My eyes widen. “Shit—no! I’m sorry, I mean, we ended up in the same bed, but that’s all …” I lick my lips and begin again. “Okay, so maybe I accidentally groped her a little bit, and we’ve seen each other naked—but not on purpose. There was no sex, I swear. In fact, Daisy’s still a virgin.” He furrows his brow, and I raise my hands in defeat. “You know what, I’m just going to stop talking now.”
I let out a loud exhale as I plop down at the foot of one of the beds in the room, and Rowan sits across from me on the other.
“You’re telling me that you secretly married my beautiful, sweet, innocent baby sister and have since been sleeping in the same bed, accidentally making out, and looking at one another naked throughout your cohabitation, but neither of you has any romantic interest in the other?”
I bite my lip as I consider keeping this next part to myself, but the truth is, now that I’ve gotten some of it off my chest, I’m already eager for the chance to get my friend’s advice again. And I did promise Daisy I wouldn’t lie about it.
“Daisy has expressed her interest in the romance stuff, but it’s probably more of a crush than anything. She doesn’t have a lot of life experience, and I’m right there, sleeping in the next room and sharing a bathroom. I mean, you know how it is with roommates—you either develop a certain comfortability and get along great, or you don’t and find another roommate. And we just happened to get one another right away, I guess.”
Rowan studies my face for a while before he speaks again. “You like her, too, don’t you?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t even allowed myself to entertain the thought. It just wouldn’t be right.” But it’s not the whole truth, and I wonder whether he can see the guilt in my expression.
“Why not?” He leans back and narrows his eyes, seemingly buying my fib. “I know you don’t care about the epilepsy. Is it because she’s my sister?”
I lift one shoulder in a shrug. “That’s one reason, yeah. More importantly, we don’t want the same things, and it wouldn’t be fair to her. At first, I was worried about her feeling like she owed me, but it didn’t take me long to realize she deserves so much more than my cynical, old ass could ever give her. Just by acknowledging any feelings I might have for her, I’d risk letting her settle for a shitty life with the first man who offered. I wouldn’t want my sister to get stuck with someone like me, and I know you want better for her, too.”
“It sounds like you already care about her more than you’re willing to admit.”
“I do care about her, very much. I’d probably do anything she asked so long as it doesn’t put her at risk. But you and I both know I’m not built for a relationship. That’s why I could never …” I shake my head and look down at my feet.
“Landry, do you not hear yourself right now?” he asks warily. “Because you’re not saying anything to make me believe you’re not alreadyinrelationship with her and trying to talk your way around it.”
I furrow my brow. “That’s not what I said at all.”
He sighs. “No, but it sounds a lot like you’re putting aside your own wants and needs to protect hers, despite the fact that you obviously both feelsomethingfor one another.”
“And feelings aren’t enough. It wouldn’t mean I’m capable of making her happy.”
“Bro, have you seriously not noticed the way she looks at you? She clearly thinks you’re theonlyperson capable of that.” He smirks and shakes his head while I attempt to process what he’s saying. “Didn’t you hear Cyprien telling the two of you to ‘get a room’ when she ran sobbing into your arms to thank you for the Christmas gift—which, by the way, was the most thoughtful, least douchey thing you’ve ever done to the best of my knowledge. I mean, assuming it wasn’t just a move to get into her?—”
I shoot him an angry glare, and he stops mid-sentence.
“I didn’t think so,” Rowan continues, still smiling. “But I’m also unconvinced that you’re not leading her on, even if you don’t realize it. Like it or not, man, Daisy’s not going to accept your excuse for much longer. You say you’re worried about breaking her heart, but I’m afraid that’s where you’re headed as long as you keep trying to martyr yourself by hiding your true feelings.”
I run my fingers through my hair as I let his words sink in. “Shit. You might be right,” I finally say. “I can’t bear the idea of hurting her, but …” I mutter another curse under my breath. “I’ve already let things go too far, haven’t I?”
“Normally I’d say a marriage license means you’ve gone too far to turn back now, even if it’s not a valid sacramental marriage … or a consummated one.” He narrows his eyes at me. “Which it’s not, right?”
“I may not buy into the idea of saving yourself for ‘the one’ or the whole institution of marriage in general, but I can respect what it means to Daisy and the rest of your family,” I say dryly.
He stands and backhands my shoulder lightly. “Good. But here’s a tip: Don’t admit to the guy that used to share a bedroom wall with you that you’ve been tempted to violate his baby sister while you’re sharing a bedroom wall withher.”
I feel my face heat up. “I didn’t admit to that at all.”
“And how did you end up in bed together again?” Rowan cocks an eyebrow at me.
I clear my throat. “I accidentally got drunk after Lo’s wedding and somehow ended up passing out in her room.”
“Right. And was this before or after you ‘accidentally’ saw her naked?” he continues, making air quotes with his fingers.
“Technically, I’ve only ever seen her in her underwear.” He glares at me again. “After,” I say with a sigh, thinking about the comments I’d supposedly made about her body that night and how eager I was to make the most out of what I thought was a dream the next morning.
“That’s what I thought,” Rowan says with a smirk. “So I’m just going to go on record saying that it’s only a matter of time before something else happens. If you’re worried about protecting her from yourself, then you probably shouldn’t be living with her.”
I nod reluctantly, instantly overcome with guilt. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“Talk to her, Lan. Think about how you really feel and tell her the whole truth. She deserves to know.”
