“Do you think…” I paused, trying to untangle the mess in my chest. “Do you think we could really, actually do this? Like…a serious thing?”
Matteo turned toward me, propping himself up on one elbow. “You mean you and me?”
“No, I mean you and Carlos,” I deadpanned, trying to cover the shake in my voice. “Obviously you and me.”
He smiled, but it was small. Quiet. “I think about it all the time.”
That undid something in me.
Because I did too.
And it scared the shit out of me.
“I don’t know how to do this,” I said, suddenly feeling very naked despite the sheet wrapped around me. “It’s been a longtime since I let someone in. I’m not exactly the poster child for trust.”
Matteo didn’t say anything, which only made the knot in my throat tighter. “My ex—Nate—he didn’t just cheat. He made me feel crazy. Like I was overreacting. Like I wasn’t enough. He lied straight to my face for months, and I still stayed. I hated who I was by the end of it.”
Matteo’s brow furrowed, his thumb brushing mine. “I’m sorry, Nic.”
“I just…I rebuilt a whole life around not needing anyone. And then you show up, all charming and annoyingly happy, and suddenly I’m breaking every rule I made for myself.”
“I’m not trying to break your rules,” he said gently. “I’m just trying to be someone you can trust.”
“But what if I can’t?” I whispered. “What if I never fully can? What if something’s just…broken in me now?”
Matteo was quiet for a long beat.
Then he said, “You’re not the only one who doesn’t trust people, you know.”
I blinked. “You?”
He gave a hollow laugh. “Yeah. Shocking, right? Matteo DeLuca, everybody’s favorite golden boy, all charm and jokes and fan selfies. You’d think I handed my trust out like paddock passes.”
“You kind of do,” I said, but my voice was softer now. More careful.
He looked at me then—reallylooked at me. “I let people think they know me. Everyone thinks I’m this open book. The funny guy. The ‘heart on his sleeve’ type. I make them laugh, keep it light, stay in character. But honestly? I don’t think most people really knowme.Not anymore. I wear a mask I learned to wear to survive in this world.”
Something in my chest cracked wide open at that. Tears pricked behind my eyes, becausedamn it, why did vulnerability have to feel like this? Like you’re both falling and flying at the same time?
He sighed, “Somewhere along the way, I got so good at playing the version of myself the world wanted, I forgot what the real me even looks like. What I like. What I need. I don’t even know if I know how to just…be.”
I reached for his hand.
“You don’t have to be anyone with me,” I said, quietly but firmly. “Not the charming media-trained DeLuca. Not the grinning golden boy. Just you.”
“And you don’t have to pretend you’re not scared,” he said, gently brushing a piece of hair from my face, “Because it is scary, giving yourself to your partner, being in a relationship. That’s a big deal and a level of trust I don’t take lightly. So we take it slow, we listen to each other, we talk out whatever needs to be talked out. Because I don’t really give a shit about labels, Nic. Call us whatever you want, whatever feels less scary, but I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not interested in ever spending my time, energy, or trust on anyone else other thanyou. You are who I want. You are who I fucking need. We take it as slow as you need.”
I looked at him, my heart pounding loud in my chest. “How can you be so sure?”
“Because being with you is easy. You make life brighter and more saturated, like everything before was some sort of duller version. Because I find myself wanting to be around you more times than not. I want to watch you put on your makeup, I want to memorize the shades of red you wear. And I don’t say this to overwhelm you. I just—I love being with you and around you. And frankly, I’m not interested in a life where you’re not in it. Sowe take it slow, we do everything by your rules. I’m in this Nic. I want to be with you in whatever way you’ll have me.”
Matteo’s voice was so soft, my insides were all knotted and messy, listening to him be so open and raw. It was one of the things I admired so much about Matteo. He was so aware of everything. Things I couldn’t even fully explain. Everything about being in a relationship again made me want to run, like giant flashing lights were saying ‘wrong way’. But at the same time, I wanted to try.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Okay?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I want to try. I mean, I’m fucking terrified, but I unfortunately also find myself wanting to be around you at most times.” I shot him a smirk. “But you’ll have to be patient with me…space to be messy and all that.”
