“I want full background checks,” I said, hands on hips. Alexander nodded, as if that was a given. Honestly, Alexander was probably as protective as me when it came to Gia. It was jarring to see that love pour out of him when Gia was born; if only the media moguls saw this side of him, they would maybe stop the relentless rumors and invasions of privacy.
We all loved Alexander, of course, but he was a bit of a wild child, he had loads of money, more than I could fathom, and loved extreme sports—like driving a car at two hundred–plus miles per hour for his job, or skydiving in Abu Dhabi. An adrenaline junky who loved fame and the spotlight, but after eight years in the high-paced sport, the spotlight was becoming too much, and he had begun to slow down.
Alexander had really calmed down from his bachelorhood over the last year, even bought some land on the mountains only twenty minutes up the road from my parents’ house. Matteo could’ve done the same, but he preferred to be here with us on his breaks instead. He had an apartment in France and a home in New York, but he would always pick the family home here in the Italian countryside first for summer break. We loved summers here growing up, and I wanted Gianna to love it as well.
I started picking up around the room while Alexander held Gianna and looked out the window with her, pointing out trees. I stayed in the doorway, a hip leaning on the wooden frame of my baby’s nursery that used to be my own room as a child. The door was chipped and painted over hundreds of times, pencil marks on the edges to show my and Matteo’s heights over the years. And now a pink pencil marking little Gia’s height at only two-and-a-half years of age. My parents adored her. They were so supportive and wonderful about everything. With so much land, Gianna could have a wonderful childhood here, I knew that, of course, because my own had been the same. Dad had even offered to split off some land for me to build my own house on and have my own space, but that step felt so big and scary. I felt safe here, with my mom down the hall or my dad waking up and rocking Gianna back to sleep on hard nights. That’s why I loved it here; it was the only place that I had ever felt entirely safe. And after everything, I wanted to give that to Gianna too. A safe place to call home, to dream up anything she wanted, and to be anything she wanted. Places to go explore, endless trails, a creek to swim in, trees to read under.
“Okay, Lucia, you’re added to all the flight schedules and Anna has already booked rooms next to ours for all the stays. Also, you have been emailed a list of options for how to help with Gianna on circuit, and she even offered to help watch her and has a friend who might be able to help out too!” Matteo called out from across the hall. Alexander looked at me, offering me a smile as if to say,if Matteo wants it to happen, it’s going to happen.Alexander knew damn well I couldn’t say no to my brother.
“Anna is a wonder woman,” I shouted back. Matteo had sort of adopted Anna as his own assistant, so she now somehow juggled both Alexander and my brother. She was also one of the nicest people I had ever met. Sweet and kind, but so strong and fierce. I was never sure whether to be scared of her or in awe of her. It was a little of both, if I was being honest.
“Make sure you tell her that. She eats that shit up,” Alexander said while poking at Gia’s cheeks to get her to giggle. My own smile dropped. The circuit isn’t made for babies; this would not be easy for herorfor me.
“I don’t know?—”
“You are coming,” Matteo said, walking into the room. “End of story. Mom and Dad want their house back,” he added, including the guilt trip card. “And you can run DeLuca Family Vineyards from anywhere!” After going to university for business, it was an easy decision to take over the dealings and marketing for the family business. My parents wanted to tend to the winery and the tasting rooms, creating an experience. I did the backend, the marketing, helped pick events to sponsor, and made deals with markets all across Europe. Alexander would send a proud photo from whenever he saw an end cap at the market with DeLuca Family Vineyards wine bottles on display.
“Don’t listen to him, darling, we always want you here! But youcanwork from anywhere, why not get out there!” My mom piped in from another room, eavesdropping on the whole conversation. It was a huge house, but somehow the whole family seemed to move in a small pack, always inhabiting the same section together. My mother, the wonder that she was, walked past holding a basket of laundry. Her light brown hair was in loose, natural waves down her back. Even into her sixties she had not one gray and kept her hair long. My dad always said he loved it wild and free, like her.
Her eyes softened when she looked at me, then glanced behind to see Alex with Gianna, a knowing smile playing on her lips as she gave me an arch of her brow. “And Matteo got us tickets for the Italian Grand Prix!” Mom added before going back downstairs.
“You leave in like three days. How am I supposed to be ready in that amount of time?” I threw my hands up.
“Whatever you forget, I’ll buy you a new one!” Matteo answered like it was the most obvious answer ever.
“I don’t want your money, Matteo!” I reached for Gianna out of Alexander’s arms. She lunged for me the minute I got close, mumbling a tired “Mama.”
“Yeah you do!” he called after me as I walked out of the playroom, upstairs to my own room.
It’s a huge undertaking, traveling with an almost three-year-old, let alone traveling with an F1 driver and his team, and being on the circuits on race days. Alexander and Matteo drove for different teams, but as far as I remembered, their paddocks were always close to one another, since they ranked closely. That was a plus for Gianna to be able to see Matteo and Alexander the whole time. I smiled at her and kissed her forehead.
“Want to go on an adventure, G?” I asked. She smiled and cheered an enthusiastic “Yeah!”
It was a huge convenience to live with my parents. Sure, I could take my father’s offer up on eventually building my own place on the land, but I liked not being alone, having my own mother when I felt like I was failing at being one myself. She was an angel on earth, that one. I loved it here,this was home. At the same time, it was deeply lonely to be here in the countryside. I felt so stuck. I had grown used to working all day and dedicating every other second of my life to Gia. I missed going out, having friends besides my annoying brother. I used to love traveling with my family, going to races, but between leaving an ex who isolated me from everyone and having a baby, there just wasn’t time for any of it.
Being alone, having so many changes thrown your way, and becoming a mother—it was hard to explain, especially to the two boys in the room with me who were so fiercely cheering me on. I needed a change, needed to do it for myself but also for Gia. She deserved a happy mother, she deserved a good life. And I knew I could give it to her. Maybe this was the start, the start of saying yes to things, to getting out of my comfort zone. My sweet girl was everything to me; blonde curly hair, bright eyes, a contagious smile, and the most bubbly personality. My mom would constantly mention how similar she was to me when I was young. My own childhood had been so bright, my parents the eternal beams of sunshine that they were, my father a sturdy rock of the family. I wanted to give that to my girl, a happy childhood, an exciting life.
“Guess we’re going on the road, G,” I whispered to her, looking into the mirror at our reflections. My blonde hair was long and wild now. The curls were doing exactly what they wanted today. If someone showed me a picture of myself from three years ago when I showed up on my parents’ doorstep so afraid of the future, I wouldn’t recognize myself. I had gained weight, finally gained some curves back, and my face wasn’t hollow anymore. It had been years since anyone had hurt me, and since I’d seenhim. I was always shocked he never reached out. I expected him to maybe even show up one day. But he never did. I lived with a small amount of fear that he would, and that he would take Gia away from me. My father had walked in one day when Gia was just born, signed custody papers, Josh’s signature right there, granting me full parental rights. It hadn’t felt real, I only nodded at him with teary eyes when he leaned down to kiss my forehead. We hadn’t talked about it, no one had; I didn’t know if I even wanted to know. I just knew he was gone, according to the men in my life.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, sweetheart?” Mom asked, leaning against the doorway.
“I think some days I expect him to show up out of nowhere,” I replied honestly with a shrug.
“Oh, honey, he wouldn’t make it far.” She jutted a thumb out behind her to Matteo and Alexander.
I waved her off. “Oh please, Mom.”
“Those two would do anything for you.”
“Sure, Mom,” I replied.
“I mean it, Lucia.” She turned and left with a smile. I knew it was true, too, they loved Gianna something fierce. Any of us would move mountains for her. But it didn’t distinguish the constant fear that lingered in the back of my mind.
* * *
“Hey, Luce.” I looked up to find the brown eyes I’d come to obsess over staring back at me. Alexander was dreamy by anyone’s standards. There were thousands of fan accounts dedicated to his eyes alone, unsurprisingly.
“What’s up?” I asked.
