I nodded, trying to tune in to anything that would help me ground myself.
“Good,” she encouraged. “Now look around. What do you see?”
I glanced up, trying to focus. “A couple of chairs…a table…the door…the clock.”
“Great,” she said, keeping her voice steady. “Now, can you smell anything?”
“Uh…the cleaner in the hallway. And…coffee. Maybe? From the other room?”
She nodded, her calmness settling over me like a warm blanket. “Okay. You’re doing great. We’re just focusing on the little things. You’re safe. You’re okay.”
It took a few more seconds, but slowly, I started to feel the pressure lift. My breathing slowed, and the dizziness started to fade.
“I—I don’t know what happened,” I muttered, running a hand over my face. “I just…everything’s…it’s not in my control. I hate it.”
Lucia reached out and cupped my face gently, her thumb brushing over my cheek. “It’s okay. You’re doing your best, Alex. You’re going to do great out there today. You’re scoring high, I can feel it. And Belen Racing? They’re going to see just how important you are. They’ll come through for you. I know it.”
I swallowed hard, trying to steady myself. She was right, of course. I knew what I was capable of. I focused one her, on my sunshine girl, the one who showed up for me, who showed up for everyone when they needed it.
“Just breathe with me. I know it seems silly, but focus on my breath and try to match it, okay?” she said gently. So I focused on her, on the soft rise and fall of her chest. I matched her breath for breath. I leaned into her touch, feeling a little calmer, more grounded than I had in the last few minutes.
“Thanks,” I whispered, my voice hoarse. “How do you know how to do that?”
She smiled softly, brushing her thumb across my lips. “I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks.”
“A panic attack?” My eyes widened and she nodded.
“Feeling like you can’t breathe, feeling out of body and out of control?” Her voice was soft as she asked, and it all resonated; it was exactly how I was feeling. So I nodded, feeling the weight on my chest ease. Slowly, I stood, my legs a little shaky, but the haze had passed.
“Right,” I said, pulling myself together.
Lucia stood, her hand slipping into mine, and I felt a small rush of gratitude. It wasn’t just about the race, not anymore. It was about her, about Gianna, and about the weird, inexplicable way they’d become the most important part of my life. I wanted to do it for them, to make Gianna proud.
* * *
My head was still cloudy. Even as the race began, I felt…off. The sensation hadn’t completely worn off—the tightness in my chest was still there, and my grip on the steering wheel felt wrong, loose. It wasn’t how I was used to feeling on the track. Normally, everything was precise, controlled. But today, it felt like I was trying to keep a hundred different things from slipping through my fingers at once. I hadn’t had a panic attack before, or maybe I didn’t know I was having them. It felt like this whole new thing I now had to figure out.
The lights went out, and I pushed forward with every intention to get ahead, to make up for lost time. I tried to focus, tried to shake off the fog that clung to me like a shadow. But it wasn’t just the car—it was everything. My mind wouldn’t settle, my body wasn’t responding right, and the track…the track felt like it was moving too fast.
I took the first turn too aggressively, my grip still off. The car slid, and I barely corrected it in time. It wasn’t pretty. I was already trying to claw my way up, but the sharp turns and tight corners made it harder. I wasn’t doing enough, I knew it.
“Come on, come on…” I muttered to myself, pushing harder than I should have.
“Push, push,” my engineer’s voice crackled through the radio, tight with concern. My teeth gritted, but I didn’t ease off. Not yet. I needed to get ahead.
Another turn came, this time a sharp left, and I didn’t adjust quickly enough. I misjudged the angle and felt the back end of the car slip. I tried to correct, but the steering didn’t feel responsive. There was a sickening moment where the tires lost grip entirely, and before I could react, the car veered off track.
“Shit—no!” I cursed, the tires screeching as I tried to regain control. My vision blurred as I felt the car fishtail, sliding uncontrollably.
The impact was jarring. The world tilted sideways. My body jerked with the force, my neck snapping as the car crumpled against the barriers, and I felt a sickening crunch of metal. I gripped the steering wheel harder, but it didn’t matter. The car was out of control.
The world around me felt like it was moving in slow motion. My heart raced in my chest, pounding with adrenaline, and a sharp, searing pain shot through my body. Panic clawed at me, but I forced myself to stay calm.
“Alex, do you copy? Alex, are you okay?”
The voice came through my radio, but it felt distant. The haze was creeping in.
“I’m okay,” I grunted, though my words didn’t feel convincing, even to me. The adrenaline was rushing through my veins, but I knew something wasn’t right. The pain in my neck, the dizziness, the headache…I had to focus, had to make sure everything was still working.
