I roll my eyes. “That’s not it.”
He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “What is it then?”
I take a step back to try and clear my senses. It would be so easy to just fall at his feet and beg him for whatever he’s willing to give me. His time, his heart, his all.
But I only have a little bit of self-preservation left, and I’m going to need to muster every ounce of it. “I’m pregnant, and I can’t just think about me now.”
He shakes his head, confused. “What does that even mean, Sassy?”
I take a deep breath and let it out. “It means that if I was just thinking about me, I wouldn’t even hesitate. Anything you wanted from me you could have.” I curve my hand around my belly. “But now I have to think about him.”
He takes a step toward me. “You think I’m not thinking about him?”
I put my hands on my hips and stare up at the man that I would give anything to say is mine. This has to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. “I’m sure you are thinking about him. Elijah, you have this thing about you that you have to fix everything and everyone. I’m something that has to be fixed.”
“Bullshit,” he mutters. “You don’t have to be fixed. You’re not broken, Sass. That asshole didn’t break you. You’re too strong for that.”
I take a step back. “But I’m not. I’m trying to be, and I want to be, but I’m not strong.” I suck in a breath and blow it out. “I wouldn’t survive dating you and then it ending.”
I take a few steps back, needing the distance. “When Jason walked away, I didn’t care, Elijah. It didn’t hurt me. But if you did, it would break me, I know it would, and I can’t break. Not now.”
I cup my belly and stare at the only man I’ve ever truly loved.
He doesn’t like what I’m saying, and I don’t blame him. He reaches for me but then crosses his arms over his chest. “I promise I won’t break you, Sass.”
I blurt out a laugh. “You can’t promise that.”
He nods and steps toward me slowly, as if he’s not wanting to spook me. When he stops right in front of me, one of his hands curves around my belly, and the other cups my cheek. “I can promise you that because I will never hurt you. I want to be with you, and I will wait until you’re ready. Until you trust that I’m not going to hurt you.”
Darn it, I can’t say no to him. It doesn’t help matters that I don’t want to say no. I want to throw all caution to the wind and beg him to take me right here, right now, but I don’t do that. As calmly as I can muster, I nod my head. “Okay.”
I barely get the word out and he has me pulled against him, chest to chest. He’s hugging me like he never wants to let me go. My voice is muffled as I continue. “On one condition.”
He tenses and leans back to look at me, but he doesn’t let me go. “What condition?”
“This is just fun, Eli. No promises. No expectations. No one is getting hurt.”
He wants to argue with me, and a part of me wants him to. I wish this could be more, but I’m trying to be realistic about it all. He huffs. “Okay, whatever you need. I’m just asking you to give us a chance.”
I put my hand on his chest and play with the button of his shirt. “Fun… that’s all this can be, okay, Eli?”
He runs his hand through his hair. “Okay, yeah, sure, whatever you need.”
He backs away from me, and I know I’ve disappointed him, but he forces a smile to his face. “Have a seat in the living room. I’m going to clean up the kitchen, and I’ll be right in.”
He picks up the plates from the table, and I pick up the serving plate and salad bowls, following behind him.
He looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. He gives me some plastic bags to put the food in and washes the dishes.
We work together in silence, and I hate that I’ve turned this night into this. Needing to hear his voice, I ask, “Talk to me, Eli. How are your mom and your brothers?”
He puts the last dish into the drainer and is wiping his hands off on the towel. “Mom is somewhere in France. She sends me texts and pictures every few days. She’s living her best life. My brothers are good. They’re all staying busy and out of trouble.”
He gestures to the living room. “Want to watch a movie?”
I nod, even though I can’t imagine staying awake for a whole movie, but I’m determined to give it a try. “Sure. I’m going to use the ladies’ room first.”
He nods, and I disappear down the hallway. When I come back, he has the television on, the lights low, and he’s standing next to the couch.
