“Because I find them beautiful.I know that must sound strange because they were made by something terrible, something that hurt you and took your family from you, but they’re part of you, which makes them yours.And I find everything about you fascinating.”
The thought of anyone touching my scars sets me on edge.Anyone but her.
Holding her hand, I place it on my chest before letting go.She keeps it there, smoothing her fingers over the gnarled skin.
Her other hand joins in, tracing my burned flesh, exploring the knotted surface.I don’t feel her fingers—the nerve damage means I have very little sensitivity left.But inside, I feel her touch; it goes deeper than the surface of my broken skin.
She kneels, reaching up to follow the scarring onto my face before cupping my head in her hands.
“Has anyone ever touched them?”
“No.Only you.”
She nods, seeming pleased with this as she kisses me gently on the lips before moving her mouth over my scars.Her lips stroke them, caress them, her tongue carefully licking over the skin as if she’s trying to heal my flesh with her mouth.I don’t feel the tingle of her tongue.I feel something else.That she wants to touch the worst part of me, wants to taste it, wants to be near is so amazing that I can’t look away.
“I’m scared,” Hayami says, pulling back from me.
For a second, I think she’s referring to the strange goings-on that have been happening, but she cocks her head to one side.
“I’m scared about what happens when we leave this house.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that, as long as we’re here, we can do this.I can touch you.I can kiss you.We can fuck.We can be this way.But when we leave…?”
I push her hair from her face.“When we leave here, you won’t want me anymore.”
“That’s not true,” she says.
As much as I want to believe her, she’s only saying this because I’m here now.I’ve just given her what she’s wanted for so long.She thinks I’m the only man who can give her this.And as much as I’d like to think she’s right, she’ll change her mind the minute we leave this place.
“Let’s not worry about anything else.Right now, it’s just you and me and this house.”
“I don’t ever want to leave this house,” she says as she rests her head on my chest.“As long as you’re here, I don’t ever want to leave.”
As I sink into her embrace, reality checks in.Will she feel the same after she reads Junko’s journal?Because I have to let her read it.I know this now.We can’t remain in this house any longer without Hayami knowing the truth about what stalks these walls.But I’m torn between keeping her here and setting her free.
What if I can’t do either?
FORTY-SIX
FENRIR
PRESENT
I turn on every light,keeping each room ablaze as the night sky frames the snow and turns the white world into a purple hue.It’s surreal, the way the darkness pollutes the purity, turning the enchanted scenery into something much more sinister.
We’ve spent the evening doing target practice in the garage.I found it hard to focus on the lesson, to not be distracted by the sight of Hayami gripping my gun, her stance near perfect, her shots so much more accurate.And I know she’s been looking at me differently.I can feel the way her gaze slides over my body, like she’s eyeing up what she wants.I wanted to fuck her in the garage, to set up our first scenario, but it’s too soon and it isn’t safe, not with loaded firearms.I need her to take the guns seriously.She also needs time to heal, for her body to recover.I wasn’t joking when I said I wouldn’t be gentle.
I know what I’ve done is wrong.
I can’t keep her.
She doesn’t belong to me.She doesn’t even belong to herself.
She belongs to Barrett Devall.
When the snow clears and we get the go-ahead to return to the mansion, my dream will shatter, and things will have to go back to the way they were.We’ve been secluded up here for so long that the real world is slipping from our grasp.I want to live in this fantasy for as long as I can, so I’m trying not to think about what happens when our time’s up, when the snow melts—and this dream along with it.
