I’m about to ask what he might shout, but then I remember the fire.
Of course he has bad dreams.I’m a little touched that he feels comfortable sleeping in front of me, and that he doesn’t mind if I see this side of him.I think of all the sides of me he’s seen.He’s seen me at my lowest, my worst, the part of me that refuses to bow down to the life that’s been shaped for me.
Or maybe he feels a little safer with me here?
“Of course.”I nod, hoping to convey the concern and understanding that’s rushing through me.
He takes a deep breath, then closes his eyes, his arms folded across his chest.
I try not to watch him, but I can’t help it.There are two halves of this man—the brutally beastly side shaped by trauma, and the blessedly beautiful side, serene and still—and I wonder which one truly prevails.
I want to join him, to place my arms around him, stroke his face, bury myself next to him and sleep.
He’s far from perfect, but that’s what makes him all the more alluring.I could watch him all night.This goliath of a man, who’s come into my life and taught me how to defend myself, how to keep myself safe instead of wrapping me in cotton wool.This man, who now trusts me enough to let me guardhim, to let me keephimsafe, because that’s exactly what I want to do.I want to take all his hurt away and banish his demons, because he’s just as vulnerable as I am.
My eyes grow heavy, but I fight them.I don’t want to miss a single moment of him.
THIRTY-FOUR
FENRIR
PRESENT
Smoke.
Behind my eyes, under my skin, in my blood.
The smell of it makes me want to wretch, but there’s no time.I have to get her out.But I can’t find her.
The rooms aren’t familiar.
Doors aren’t where they’re supposed to be.Walls where they shouldn’t be.
It’s hot.So fucking hot.
Flames flare against my skin, making my flesh bubble.
I must find her.
Curtains cremated.Carpets incinerated.
She isn’t here.
Yet, I know she is.
Heat hovers.Smoke swirls.Flames flicker.
Must save her.
My sister?
No, not my sister.
Hayami.
Smoke chokes me.Winds itself around my throat.Smothers my eyes.
Can’t breathe.
