“Are you fucking serious? You want me to come and party with you for doing your time for killing my brother? Christ, youareinsane,” I spit.
“I take that as a no.” He sits back.
“Absolutely not. Why would I want to be there when they let you out? What would the other Raven Hands think?”
“I don’t care what they think,” he says.
“I do. How weird would it look when I walk through the door while they’re all celebrating your release? And I don’t think it would be very safe.”
“Safe?” He cocks his head.
“I’m sure they would all think I was there to enact my revenge. Jupiter certainly doesn’t trust me.” I’m not sure I trust myself.
“It doesn’t matter whether Jupiter trusts you. It’s whetherItrust you,” Valdemar argues.
“And do you?”
“I wouldn’t be inviting you otherwise. And I’ve enjoyed your company over these last few weeks. It would be nice to speak freely, without such restraints.” He pushes at the table that’s kept us apart during these visits.
The note is still pricking at my brain. The danger he could be walking into on release day. And not just from his old enemies. Do I trust myself to be alone with this man? The dreams are one thing, but in the cold light of day, will I be able to hold back my anger at him taking my brother from me?
“You’ve grown too comfortable in here.” I throw my eyes around the room. These walls that have kept him contained for ten years have also kept the real world out.
“Maybe you’re right,” he says.
“Either that, or you know the hold you have on me.”
“And what hold is that?” he asks, his gaze fixed on me.
“You’re the only link I have left to my brother.”
“And if the dream doesn’t work?”
“That remains to be seen,” I tell him, not wanting to think about the fact that it might not work and what would happen if that’s the case.
“Time, people. Let’s wrap things up,” the guard calls from the back of the room as another guard begins to collect the inmates.
“Don’t sleep before ten tonight,” Valdemar tells me. “We have four nights to try this before Monday. Please don’t give up hope.”
“Okay.”
“And I’ll send a car for you Monday night at seven, as I’m sure we’ll need to discuss things,” he adds.
I want to tell him to go fuck himself, but the guard arrives behind Valdemar and ushers him out of his chair.
“I said I’m not coming.” I push my hair behind my ears. “Wait. How do you know where I live?”
“Just think about it, please. The offer will be there.”
And with that, he’s led to the back of the room and out the door with the rest of the inmates.
I’m not sure how I feel about the thought of seeing him outside this room. My feelings on this are as tangled as my conflicted feelings for him. I need him—he’s my only link to my brother—and he knows this. But if I do attend his party, there will be a whole new set of eyes on us, no table separating us, and no one calling time.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
My mother is waitingfor me when I return from the prison, her face so calm in contrast to the storm that is my head. She sits at the dining room table like a cat in its favourite spot, waiting to hear how it went and what was said—or at least, I tell myself this is the reason she sits here day after day
And so I tell her. I pour out my heart like it’s molten lava from an erupting volcano.
