I froze, my smile faltering.I looked up, meeting his gaze.He didn’t pity me.
“I’m not trying to,” I whispered, my voice sincere.“I just don’t want you to worry.”
He shook his head, squeezing my hand just a bit more.He leaned close and wiped my cheeks.“You’re not.You don’t have to hide yourself from me.And don’t ever use that fake smile or else…”
My chest tightened in a way that didn’t feel suffocating, but freeing.The vulnerability I had tried so hard to hide seemed lighter under his gaze.
“Or else what?”I asked, trying to lighten the mood.“You’ll spank me?”
He smiled, tapping my nose.“Might as well.”
For a few moments longer, we sat in silence, holding hands.The sky turned darker, the first stars beginning to peek through.
Maybe for the first time in a long while, I didn’t have to hide from my past… or from Dylan.
Because he was with me and saw me for who I was.
* * *
We tooka cab back to Amanda’s apartment and I was greeted by a huge grin from a petite girl with cute button nose and gold dangling earrings.
“Hi!I’m Tina!”
“Hi Tina,” Dylan greeted her, pitching his voice high when he brushed past her, yelping dramatically when she pinched his arm.“Amanda, your girlfriend is abusing me.”
“As she should,” Amanda replied from the kitchen.
Tina rolled her eyes and smiled up at me.“You must be Katie.Amanda has told me a lot about you.And Pollux.”
“Nice to meet you, Tina,” I said warmly, giving Amanda an approving look, making her cheeks flushed.“Pollux is adorable, isn’t he?”
“Definitely!”She pulled out her phone and showed me a few pictures of goldfish.“I have two of my own!”
My eyes widened as we excitedly talked about our pets, their diet and unique features.Dinner was chicken roll with pasta salad.Even though I had a lovely time, I couldn’t stop feeling his gaze on me and it made my heart beat a little faster.
I felt guilty for hiding it from Amanda who had opened up to me about her feelings.
At night, I was alone in bed and staring up at the ceiling.What the hell am I doing?Leading Dylan on even though I’m going on a lunch date with Justin?Even though he told me he didn’t care, I felt responsible for his feelings.
Despite his playful persona, he was sweet and kind.What if I hurt him if I keep acting distant and aloof?I would hate myself if I…
I shook my head.Let’s just go on the date.See how it goes.If it felt right, I would talk to Dylan about ending things.
And if it didn’t feel right?
Then I would like to explore whatever small emotions that are bubbling inside me.Because in the darkness of the room, I missed his warmth and soothing deep voice that lulled me to sleep.
30
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
KATIE
Iwoke up with a huge smile on my lips.It was my thirtieth birthday.My stomach was full of nerves and giddy with excitement.Because it wasn’t just a regular birthday.It was the day I would have lunch with Justin.A lunch date.
My boss and my long-term crush.
If the stars aligned, I would use the lessons from Dylan and woo Justin with my seduction.
