“Right time?” I screech angrily. “When will that be, huh? After we fall in love? Trust each other? Live together? Share a bed? Dream about our future? Oh wait… we’ve already done all of it. So, tell me, when exactly was it going to be convenient for you to tell me that I’m chasing a ghost? Why did you even bother flying to New York to secure the deal if you’re hellbent on destroying your fucking future?”
“I admit I set out to ruin my life, but then I met you andyoubecame my future. I would never risk destroying it, angel,” he says, begging me to believe him. “Yes, I caused the scandal, but it isn’t for the reason you think.”
“What’s the reason then?”
“I…” His shoulders slump, his expression torn. “I can’t.”
His unflinching refusal and the resolute set to his jaw crushes my fragile heart. “You still don’t trust me,” I utter defeatedly.
He swallows, while horror etches on his angular face. “You don’t mean that.”
“You’venevertrusted me.”
“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t told you that I’m a fucking alcoholic. That I’m ashamed of my scars. That I was abused as a kid and that it angers me that I was too weak and pathetic to defend myself. I’ve confessed things to you that I haven’t told a single soul. I’ve let my walls down with you even though it terrified me. How dare you accuse me of not trusting you?”
“Because you continue to deceive me. Despite everything, you keep secrets from me. It stings even more. Don’t you realize it?”
“I’m protecting you.”
“Then stop!” I shout, tears streaming down my face. “Stop protecting me! Tell me what you’re hiding, Nathan. What is it you’re trying to shield me from?”
“I can’t. Not right now. You need to trust me.”
“Oh, that’s rich.”
He eats the distance between, taking my shoulders between his hands. “Please, angel. I will tell you everything when the time comes.”
His fingers flex and dig into my skin, urging and pleading for me to believe.
I lick my lips, tasting the saltiness of my silently falling tears. The burn of his betrayal and lies is strong and throbbing. How many chances do I give him until he trusts me? Or am I destined to always coerce the truths out of him?
Just when I think we’re moving on from his old habits, he proves me wrong.
One step forward, then two steps backward.
He doesn’t understand that I can handle any obstacle and danger that comes our way but not being left in the dark.
Steeling my spine, I answer him, “I’ll wait for you to tell me everything.”
He exhales in relief, but I’m not finished.
“But we won’t be living together until you do.”
“What?” He jerks back. “No!”
“I am not living in a bubble with you and letting you think it’s okay to keep secrets from me. Either we’re all in or not.”
Panic bleeds into his rough voice as he says, “Don’t do this, Ari.”
“If you love me, you’ll keep your promise and won’t touch a drink.”
“You’re punishing me,” he accuses.
“I am giving you time, which you asked for,” I murmur, hanging to the last of my strength. And because I’m as tortured as him at the thought of putting distance between us, I try one more time to pull the truth out of him. “Or you can tell me what’s going on and we don’t have to live apart.”
His gaze hardens, shadows flickering over his face. “No.”
“Leave then.” I step away.
