“Because losing her didn’t rip me to shreds half as much as the mere possibility of losing you does. Because if another man tried to steal you from me, I would end him. It’s why I keep you at arm’s length, because I don’t know where my madness ends for you. Or if it even does. If I keep you, let myself irrevocably fall for you, let myself believe you’re mine, I am never letting you go.”
My heart drops as I figure out the unspoken meaning. “Yet you don’t want to keep me, even though I want you to. Why?”
He loses it, and roars, “Because my head is one messed-up place! A dark hole I can’t get out of, Ari. I am not letting you sink into it.”
Running his fingers through his hair in frustration, he viciously scoffs. “I should’ve known you couldn’t handle our arrangement without getting attached. It’s my fault for letting it go this far. This—us—just became too complicated.”
A complication? That’s what he thinks I am after everything I said to him tonight?
His cruelty cuts me open and splits my insides in two.
As I stare at him, it dawns on me that I’m talking into a void. He won’t let me in even if I beg him on my knees.
Meeting my hopeless gaze, he hammers the last nail in the coffin. “I’m ending it, Arya. We’re better off working together.”
Brushing my tears away, I steel my spine and reply, “As you wish.”
“One day you’ll see I did the right thing.”
No, I won’t.
“Leave my home, Nathan.” Turning away, I tell him over my shoulder, “You aren’t the first man to walk away from me.”
However, unlike last time, I won’t hide away from the world and stop living.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Nathan
My gaze keeps flickering to the door, waiting for her to enter.
It’s been ten days since the inevitable end between Arya and me, which was the right decision. Or so I have to remind myself twenty times a day.
Life is dragging again.
My days have become monotonous.
My nights are lonely and spent in a drunken stupor.
Our last conversation keeps replying in my head repeatedly. The devastation in her striking eyes, the plea in her voice… And when she gave me her back, telling me to go away… it fucking killed me, even if it was all my doing.
However, I meant it when I told her one day she’ll realize she’s better off without me. A part of me contemplated firing her as my publicist, but the words died in my throat. I selfishly want to spend what little time I can with her.
I’m not above secretly keeping tabs on her using Nova. Every day, I call and ask him for updates on Pihu’s healthbecause I know Rosalie chats with Arya daily. She’s also been to her place after receiving Arya’s distressed call when Pihu wouldn’t eat her pills.
It made me jealous because I’m the person she runs to when she needs help.
She couldn’t be clearer in sending the message that I’ve lost the right.
Pulling out information from Nova wasn’t an easy feat either, considering the dipshit kept teasing and taunting me during every phone call that if I was missing her so much, I should call her myself. At which point, I hung up on him.
In a few minutes, I’ll finally see her.
I’ve been communicating with her assistant to maintain the professional boundaries. She took some time off from work, but she’s back this week. Her car still isn’t fixed, so she’s been taking the cab. It drives me insane with worry about her safety. I hate that I can’t do anything about it.
And when I’m not thinking about her, I investigate deeper into my dad’s history with Javed. I’m focusing all my energy into it because the clock is ticking.
His behavior lately is alarming. If he’s pressuring and micromanaging his own people, then something is terribly wrong. All signs point to Arnav, who must be nagging my father to convince me.
