She nods slowly. “Good. Really good. I think you were right about therapy. And if I get my bearings with people in the town on a more individual basis, it won’t be so bad when I go to bigger functions again.” She tilts her head to the side. “Can we still go to the theater after?”
“Of course.” We stand there, staring at each other, and I have an insatiable urge to pull her into my arms and reassure her that she’s going to be okay. But I can’t do that. I can’t touch her and hold her the way I want. Because now it’s not just her heart I’m concerned about breaking, it’s my own legs at the hands of her brothers.
Instead, I straighten and nod at her bed. “You should get some more rest. And I should get going.”
“Already?”
“They’re waiting for you downstairs, and Agatha wants me to climb down the tower so your family won’t see me.”
“Ah.” The side of her mouth tips up in a grin. “Agatha’s got our backs.”
“Yeah, why is that?”
Lily furrows her brow. “I’m not really sure. But I’m grateful for it.”
“Same.” I grin at her and shove my hands in my pockets to fight the desire to touch her. “I’ll see you soon. Have Agatha call me so we can arrange ourfirst outing.”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you soon.”
I head to the balcony, and as I swing a leg over the railing, I laugh at how I thought I wouldn’t need to climb this tower again.
At the sight of Lily’s sparkling eyes as she waves goodbye, I know in my heart there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. Even if that means keeping myself at a distance, despite the involuntary urge to keep her close.
CHAPTER 28
Lily
CLAUDE DEBUSSY — ARABESQUE NO. 1, L. 66
Ispend the next few days resting and getting my bearings. Ryder doesn’t come visit, which seems odd, but I guess if we’re not going out yet there isn’t a reason for it. That’s not to say I don’t miss him terribly. He’s become my best friend, and it isn’t just because he’s the only option. It’s because he really sees me for who I am and doesn’t treat me like a little girl.
I might be doing some imaginative daydreaming about how a romance between us is going to emerge, with him escorting me around town and keeping me safe from potential harm. Come on, what girl doesn’t love a bodyguard romance?
But I don’tjustfantasize about Ryder kissing me. I spent the first few days of the week catching up on all my schoolwork, and I’m actually ahead on my assignments. I’m itching to play the piano again, though, so when Wednesday finally arrives and it’s time for our first outing, I’m giddy.
Outing number one: Cookies & Kisses.
Luna asked Madeleine to keep the shop open for me, and she happily agreed. So four nights after the fiasco at the flower festival, I get dressed in a knee-length gray sweater dress, black leggings, and black ankle boots. My hair is still wavy from thebraid it’s been in for the last few days, so I just fluff it out and pull half of it up.
Should I do makeup? I don’t want Ryder to think I’m trying too hard. It’s not for him, though. It’s for me. I deserve to feel pretty after being locked away for so long. I keep it simple—just some mascara and blush—and call it a night.
I met with my new therapist this afternoon on Zoom—loved her—and she suggested having a “calming item,” something tangible that I could hold on to and focus on to ground me when my thoughts and feelings get too strong. Maybe I should grab something before we leave. But what?
I rummage through my drawers, trying to find something that will work. Lip gloss? Compact mirror? Nothing seems right.
“What are you doing?” Ryder’s voice sounds behind me, and I straighten quickly. I didn’t even hear the door open with my frenzied search.
I almost sigh audibly at the sight of him—his brown hair that waves effortlessly on his forehead, his perceptive gray eyes, his flirtatious muscles…
Snap out of it!
“Ryder! Hey! I’m…looking for something.”
“I see that,” he says, taking a few steps over. “What is it? Can I help?”
“I don’t know…” Why am I so embarrassed to say this out loud? Ryder is the one who suggested therapy in the first place. He was there in the throes of my panic attack, and he knows better than anyone what I’m going through. But I haven’t seen him in a few days, and I don’t want this to be the first thing we talk about.
I sigh, resigned. “My therapist suggested a ‘calming item,’ something I can hold if I start panicking again.”
