Adam scoffs. “Brookhaven is so small, and they all know me there. It won’t be an issue.” He pauses. “But I’ll call Rufus ahead of time and let him know.”
I nod, feeling all the emotions that have been buried for a year and a half—excitement, nerves, and a touch of anxiety. I tamp down that last one and clap my hands. “I’m so excited to see you all!” After a moment’s pause, I add, “And to go outside!” Because if I hadn’t been out at the theater the last few nights, that’s probably the first thing I would have said.
My brothers, father, Mr. Calhoun, and Bethany all smile back at me. Agatha wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me to her. “This is a big day, my dear,” she says.
My eyes fill with tears, and one falls before I can hold it back. I swipe a quick hand under my eye. “Thank you everyone. Thank you so much for everything. And I’m so sorry I’ve caused everyone so much pain.”
Their voices all mix together, a combination of “Please don’t apologize,” with “We love you, Lily,” and “We’ll never let anyone hurt you again,”—that one comes from Adam, of course. But it doesn’t completely remove the guilt I’ve felt for almost two years at the ordeal I’ve put my family through.
I have to make up for it. I’ll do whatever I can to make sure Idon’t disappoint them again. Because there’s one glaring absence from this video chat, made clearer from the picture on the table with my phone—our mother.
I’ve often wondered what she would think if she saw us now, the pain I’ve put everyone through and the mess my brothers had to clean up. Would she be disappointed in me?
Would this have even happened if she’d been here?
I don’t dwell on those thoughts, because the video chat is wrapping up. We say our goodbyes, with Peter promising to call more often (even though we know he won’t), and then it’s just me and Agatha.
“This is so exciting,” Agatha says, squeezing me around the shoulders again. “Maybe you should come with me to book club tonight! It’s just a few of us, and we can make it a private affair.”
“I guess I could,” I drawl. I let myself consider the possibility of going out tonight, seeing Agatha’s friends and getting to interact with them.
But then my skin crawls. The questions, the eyes all on me, everything makes me feel like I’m going to throw up.
“I think I’ll just wait until Saturday,” I say. “Maybe I’ll order some new clothes? It’s been a while since I’ve done any shopping, and I’d like to get something new.”
Agatha studies me for a moment. I swear she knows what I’m thinking. She’s always been able to read between the lines. Thankfully, she doesn’t address it. “Yes, of course, my dear. Let’s get you something new to wear for Saturday.” She taps me on the arm and stands. “I’m going grocery shopping. I’ll be back in a bit.”
I wave goodbye, and as she leaves, I take a moment to look around my room. This room has been my world for the last six months, except for the theater over the last week. Still, it’s the only place I’ve been allowed to exist in. To have the world, or atleast Brookhaven, opened back up to me is a little terrifying. I feel like I’m going to be swallowed whole.
But I’ll be fine. This is what I’ve wanted for months. I’ll talk to Ryder about it tonight.
Everything will be fine.
CHAPTER 22
Ryder
LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN — SONATA NO. 14 IN C-SHARP MINOR (“MOONLIGHT”), OP. 27 NO. 2
Iknow something’s different when I arrive at Lily’s because I’m greeted at the bottom of the stairs by Agatha herself.
“Hello, Ryder,” she says softly, looking up the stairs. “I wanted to speak with you quickly before you see Lily.”
“Is everything all right?” I ask.
She tilts her head from side to side. “In a way, everything is wonderful. I’m sure Lily would like to tell you herself, so I won’t spoil the news. But I want to make sure you keep an eye out for Lily’s best interests.”
“What does that mean?” I ask.
“Dig beneath the surface. She’s hiding some feelings that she won’t express to her brothers or father, and I think she’s afraid to share them with me, as well. But I know she’ll open up to you, if you lead the way.”
I nod, thinking back to how we lay on her floor and listened to music, the way she cried in front of me. I think she knows she’s safe with me. At least, I hope so.
“I won’t keep you any longer,” Agatha says with a wink. “Go see our girl.”
Our girl. Does Agatha know more about my feelings than I thought? I’ve been trying so hard to keep them under the surface.
“Thank you,” I say. I head up the four flights of stairs, wondering what Lily is about to tell me. I knock on the door, and Lily opens it with an oven mitt on one hand, breathless and grinning.
