We sit like that for another minute, grinning at each other like idiots. But it doesn’t feel dumb. It warms my heart.
A thought pops into my mind. “How are you feeling about working again, after everything that happened last time?”
He tilts his head from side to side. “I don’t know. I think I’ll be fine now. Therapy helped a lot with my panic attacks. But I’m not sure I really want to go back to that kind of work, either.”
“No? Why not?”
“For the most part, those people suck. Tristan is the scum of the earth, we both know that, but he’s not the only one. Your brother was known for being a jerk, too.”
I wince. “Yeah, I know. But I think he’s improved his reputation since being with Isabelle.”
“And you have a lot to do with that,” he adds. “But it’s not a healthy environment, and I don’t know if that’s who I want to surround myself with anymore.”
“So who do you want to surround yourself with?”
His eyes meet mine, and I swear I know the next words he’s going to say.You. I want to be with you.
Or maybe that’s my teen drama heart beating out of my chest.
But the words out of his mouth are, “Kids. I think it could be fun to work with kids.”
And there go my dreams. Poof.
Because when he looks at me, he thinks of children. BecauseI’ma child to him. His best friend’s little sister.
That’s all I’ll ever be.
I’m sure my face falls, the perks of not having to control my facial reactions when living alone. But that doesn’t really workout well when you’re trying to hide your MASSIVE crush on the hot man sitting in front of you.
I see Ryder read my face, and his eyes widen. “My next job is supposed to be in a kids’ movie. I’ve been thinking about it, since it’s coming up soon, and I think it’s going to be really fun. Maybe better than the jobs I’ve been doing with arrogant actors.”
That makes things a little better, I guess. I paste a big smile on my face and say, “I think that sounds perfect for you.” My heart fills with hope again, dreams floating around my mind of me and Ryder and our perfect little wild babies that he’ll teach and tame.
I need help.
CHAPTER 16
Ryder
ROBERT SCHUMANN — KURIOSE GESCHICHTE FROM KINDERSZENEN, OP. 15
Sitting in the red squishy chairs of the Ever After Theater, I whisper to Gwen, “This is a disaster.”
She has a huge grin on her face. “It’s the most adorable disaster I’ve ever seen.”
It’s the afternoon following my second late night with Lily, and we’re watching the rehearsal for the school play. Gwen convinced me to join her. It’s her family’s theater, but she’s also here to watch John and Michael as they practice, too. I’m not sure who thought it was a good idea to have elementary students act outRomeo and Juliet(but a child-friendly version that ends happily instead of in a double suicide), but these kids are all chaos and zero acting skills.
Juliet stands at the top of a platform, and Romeo fumbles his lines in the balcony scene while flipping his long hair out of his face. Juliet looks more interested in the kid playing Mercutio, who is currently horsing around with his buddies in the front of the auditorium. A grand piano sits in the middle of the stage, inhibiting the actors’ ability to block their scenes properly.
As much of a mess as this is, Gwen’s right. It’s pretty cute.Blech.Why did I have to choose the word “cute,” even in my head?
Regardless, it reminds me of the conversation I had last night with Lily. Idowant to work with kids. And this is chaos, but it’s my type of chaos. I have a feeling I’d thrive in this kind of environment.
I saw the disappointment in her eyes when I first said I’d want to work with kids. Did she think I meant thatshewas a kid? Because that’s the opposite of what I meant. Looking at her, I start thinking about a future of my own. A life with a wife and kids.
I’ve never thought this way. Girls were fun to spend time with, an ego boost when I needed one, but that’s it. Because love and marriage are doomed to fail, at least in my experience. My parents made that very clear. They didn’t care enough to take care of me, and their relationship was full of animosity. All my life, I’ve told myself it’s safer to keep relationships on the surface. But what is it about Lily that’s making me imagine myself settled down with a family of my own?
I don’t think I’m quite ready to have my own kids, but my wheels have been turning. I realized I enjoy entertaining and teaching kids, like when I climbed the tower for the first time. And when my agent told me my next job was with kids, there was a sense of excitement I’d been missing for years.
