But if I want to fall in love, I have to leave this tower.
A little voice in my head whispers,You don’thaveto leave to fall in love. There’s always Ryder.
How pathetic is that? To fall for the first man I see outside of my immediate family? It’s just desperation. There’s no real connection there. It’s someone semi-familiar, and being around him awakened the feelings I’ve shut down for the last year and a half.
But that doesn’t meanhe’sthe one I should have these feelings for.
My rational brain knows this. Try telling that to my imagination, though.
Lying in bed, alone with my thoughts, I keep imagining his hands on my waist. His gray eyes drinking me in, his flirtatious muscles…
It’s too much.
“Gah!” I throw the blankets off of me and get out of bed to pace the floor. The clock shows me that it’s only eleven p.m.—way too late to be up, but not late enough to start the next day.
Tap, tap, tap.
What was that?
It sounds like it’s coming from the balcony doors. The curtains are closed, though, so I can’t see outside. Maybe it’s a bird—an owl? Woodpeckers wouldn’t be out at this time of night. Or maybe a rat.
Tap, tap, tap.
Three taps again. Maybe it’s a bat? Do bats make tapping sounds?
Tap, tap-tap-tap, tap.
Okay, now that sounds like a rhythm. Do birds or bats have musical sense? They must, right?
My breathing speeds up, and the tapping sounds again. Same rhythm.Tap, tap-tap-tap, tap.
“Okay, Lily,” I say out loud. “You can do this. You’ll pull open the curtain, and it’ll just be some little animal. Maybe it’s a raccoon, looking for a snack. It’ll be fine. And then you can go to sleep.” With a determined nod, I stride over to the doors, and before I can stop myself, I pull the curtains open.
And see Ryder Hawthorne staring back at me.
I can’t help it—I scream, then cover my mouth with my hands to muffle the sound. I don’t want to wake Agatha, but THERE IS A MAN ON MY BALCONY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. Can you blame me for being startled?!
Ryder gives a sheepish grin and waves. I yank the door open, letting the cool winter air into my room, and whisper-yell, “What the heck are you doing?!”
“Can I come inside?”
“NO!” My voice gets a little louder than I expected, so I go back to whisper-yelling. “No! You can’t come inside my room in the middle of the night. This is highly inappropriate.” Can I give myself a pat on the back for not inviting him in and trying to live out my fantasies? Go, Lily!
Ryder has the decency to look ashamed. “I didn’t… Sorry, this is a little… I just… I saw the video.”
My heart sinks into my stomach. I don’t have to ask which video; I know exactly what he’s talking about. “Oh,” is all I can say.
“And I just… I had to see you.” He swallows, and his eyes flick to mine, then back down. “Because of Peter. You know, he’s my best friend, and I figure I should check if you’re okay for his sake since he can’t be here, and?—”
“Okay, fine,” I say, cutting him off. He’s effectively shut down my fantasies by bringing up Peter. “You can come in.” I move out of the way, holding the door open and letting him into the tower. The initial shock has worn off, and I realize he’s not here on any kind of seductive mission. Don’t blame me for going there, though. I’m still sensitive after Tristan.
Is it bad that I’m a little disappointed? The implication that he’s just here as a big brother substitute is a bummer, and a little embarrassing, too.
Ryder murmurs a “Thank you” as he steps inside. I stand with my arms crossed over my chest, wondering what exactly he wants to do now that he’s here. I let out a sigh, realizing I’m in pajamasagain.At least it’s nighttime, though, so it’s appropriate to be wearing them.
Now that Ryder’s inside, he looks awkwardly around the room, like he doesn’t know what to say either. So I break the silence. “Does Peter know you’re here?”
Ryder shakes his head. “I tried calling him on my way, but he didn’t pick up.”
