Threw me away like I was a fucking mistake.
Like our son was a mistake.
I’m a goddamn cyclone of emotions, each one crashing into the other. The anger, the hurt, and the bewilderment all fighting for space in my chest, tangled up with the tiniest flickers of hope. I wanted to be a father someday. Hell, there was a day I even saw myself having kids with Harper. I just never envisioned life handing me a ten-year-old and the woman I once loved with my whole heart.
Finally, August leans forward, forearms on the table, his voice low and soft. “Harrison, talk to us, bro. What happened? Something’s…different. And not just bad mood different.”
I drag both hands over my face. It’s pointless to try to keep all my thoughts inside, because I can’t scrub the last forty-eight hours out of my brain.
“I talked to Harper.”
Oliver whistles low under his breath. “Oh, shit. Okay. Keep going. Did it not go well?”
I swallow hard, the words scraping against the back of my throat as I say, “She confirmed it.”
Griffin sets down his marker. “Connor.”
My throat tightens as I nod.
Ledger leans back slowly, eyes wide. “So, it’s…official. You have a son.”
“Yeah.” My voice cracks in the middle, which is humiliating on at least twelve levels. “It’s official.”
For a moment, none of them speak, like the weight of that truth has settled over the entire room.
Then Bodhi says gently, “Man…I’m really sorry. That’s a lot.”
I shake my head, trying—and failing—to control the burn behind my eyes. “I don’t know what to fucking feel, you guys. I mean, he’s my kid for fuck’s sake. Mykid. For ten years I’ve had a kid and I missed all of it. Every fucking thing. First steps, first words, first time feeling the ice under his feet first…everything. And every time I picture him now I just?—”
I stop, because my voice is about to break again.
Barrett nods slowly, leaning forward. “And Harper?”
That’s another knife to the ribs.
“She didn’t tell me,” I whisper, my throat tightening as tears prick my eyes. “Ten years. She carried that alone, and I get why she did.” I bury my head in my hands. “I mean, fuck, no, I don’t understand why. This is all a motherfucking mess and no matter what I say or what I do nothing makes any of it hurt any fucking less.”
Griffin shifts in his chair. “So, what now?”
I let out a rough, humorless laugh. “Now? I have no idea. I want to know him. I want to be in his life. But Harper…I think she’s scared. Rightfully so I suppose, but it’s me we’re talking about.” I pound my chest with my fist. “ME! We were together for four years. We were solid. I loved her so goddamn much and then she—” I pause, choking on my words. “And now I’m pissed. And fucking hurt. And everything feels…fragile as hell and I don’t know what to do.”
Bodhi pats my shoulder, awkward as a dude who’s never comforted anyone in his life. “Well…I mean…at least he’s cool. You know? He’s a cool kid.”
“He’s a great kid,” I say quietly, my chest clenching. “Smart. Confident. He’s got a raw talent about him. He reminds me of…me. And that’s the part that keeps fucking me up.”
Oliver points his pen at me. “You’re allowed to be mad. You’re allowed to be sad. You’re allowed to be everything at once. But what youcan’tdo is beat yourself up for something you didn’t know.”
Ledger nods. “And you’re not doing this alone, dude. We’ve got your back.”
Barrett smirks. “Even if you cry on us.”
“But cry and we’re taking photos,” Griffin adds.
“Try it,” I warn.
They laugh, light and stupid, but it cuts the tension enough that for just a second, I can breathe again.
It doesn’t last long though because when Ledger asks, “So I assume Connor doesn’t know that you’re his father?” I start to panic all over again as I toss my marker on the table and stare at Ledger with wide eyes.
