He parked and joined her on the deck, leaning over to claim a kiss that left her a little breathless.
“Well, that was nice,” she said.
He raised a brow. “Nice? I must be losing my touch.”
She laughed. “Never.”
Gideon took a seat in the rocker next to hers. “Are you going to share with me what’s going on?”
She slanted a look at him. “So, you’re a mind reader now?”
“No, I’ve just known you forever, Maya. I can tell when something’s bothering you.”
She sighed and nodded. “Yeah. So...”
“So...”
Another laugh slipped from her. “I love that when I’m with you, I always have something to smile or laugh about.”
He curled his hand around hers but stayed quiet. He was in listening mode.
“These past four months have been pretty amazing. So busy neither one of us has really had time to breathe, much less have a heart-to-heart talk.”
“True.”
“But now it’s time, isn’t it?”
“I’d say so.”
“I’m scared, Gideon. Scared of loving you and losing you. My love for Laura was very different, of course, but losing her scraped away a part of me I don’t know how I’ll ever get back. And then there’s the nightmares that still plague me every so often. They’re awful and I don’t want to inflict those on anyone else.”
She fell silent, her arguments sounding weak now that she’d voiced them. But they still had a hold on her, so...
“I think my biggest fear is that I’m not whole enough to be the kind of person you need. The kind of—” She snapped her lips shut. She didn’t want to jump the gun if he wasn’t thinking along the same lines she was.
“Wife?”
Okay, so maybe theywereon the same page.
“Well, yes. If it were to get to that point.” She hoped the heat she could feel creeping up into her neck didn’t show in her cheeks.
“I was kind of hoping it would,” he said.
Oh boy. She swallowed. “I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t thought about it.”
“Well, that’s a relief.”
She huffed a laugh once more. “Okay.” She frowned. “I didn’t think that was on your radar, though.”
“It wasn’t. And then this whole being trapped by an avalanche and chased by killers happened and seeing you in danger, feeling helpless to do anything about it ... well, let’s just say I have a different perspective.”
“Which is?”
“Life is short, Maya. Too short to let the past rule the future. God allowed us to be born, and he has a purpose for our lives. Sometimes we go through seasons. Good and bad. Sometimes those seasons are a result of our own choices. I made some really bad choices that resulted in some really bad consequences and one really awful season. The worst one since Jacob’s death. At least I didn’t have anything to do with that. But these past four months have given me time to reflect on a lot of things.”
“Like what?” Maya asked. Her heart thumped a little faster at the intensity in his gaze.
“Like consequences. My bad choices caused a good buddy of mine to do something he thought I’d be okay with.”
