My stomach twisted into knots knowing that I was about to break her fragile heart. And after all the illnesses she’d fought off, I worried that the news would kill her.
I peeked my head into the door and found her laying on her side, wearing day old pajamas while tucked into her bed. Her brown hair tangled in a messy braid, tucked to the side of her head. There were several gray hairs that framed her oval-shaped face, accentuating the dull, sallow tone her skin had taken on. I remembered a time when she wasn’t this way. When she was fullof life and her smiles came easy. Her body was strong once, and her presence one of vivacity. Now a smile seemed to make her weary.
“My darling. Who was at the door?”
I winced. She sounded tired today. More tired than usual.
Cautiously, I ambled over to her and sat at the edge of the bed. Though it was clear she hadn’t showered, she still managed to smell of lavender. A comforting scent that always made me think of her.
“I have some news, Maman,” I said, taking her thin hand in mine. A dark shadow was permanently etched under her eyes. In this lighting, her skin had a translucent sheen to it, and her once bright green eyes now looked partially sunken in as if someone had pressed their thumbs to her eye sockets. Her illnesses had wrecked her body and there was nothing conventional medicine could do. The doctors said only a magical cure would be able to make a difference in her condition, giving her only six more months to live, if that. While my father made decent money, we couldn’t afford the cost of a healer from the 1starrondissement where those who were lucky enough to possess magick resided. Plus, many who acquired that power were forced to the battlefields to use their magick to heal what they could of the soldiers who fought to protect our city from being invaded. While the gods were powerful, they spent a lot of their time squabbling amongst each other, resulting in nothing getting done, and our people suffering because of it.
My mother’s brittle bones squeezed around my hand and their gaunt like feel jarred me back to the present. Gods, when did she become so thin? Was she like this yesterday and I just was too busy to notice? By chance if I were to somehow make it through the games with my life, would it even be in time? Perhaps winning the game was our only chance at saving her.
My tongue felt thick in my mouth as I attempted to form the words. “I was summoned today.”
Her face contorted into one of heartbreak like I knew it would. Those green eyes of hers shimmered with tears dripping fat, wet splotches onto the cream-colored pillowcase below. While my sister Marley was constantly annoyed at our Mama’s emotions being so close to the surface, I found it endearing. Maman was the kind to feel things deeply and was never afraid to express exactly how she felt.
My thumb ran along her paper-thin cheek, chasing away the tears that have gathered there. “It’s okay. I’m— I’m going to be fine.”
“Odessa, I need you to hear me. I know that you like to keep to yourself. You tend to try and keep the peace, always doing what’s asked of you. You’re a sweet, kindhearted girl. And I love you. But I need you to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“I need you to be ruthless, my darling girl. Be ruthless and unapologetic in how you need to survive. Come back to us, no matter what it takes. You have a strength inside that I don’t think you’re aware of, but it’s there, waiting for you to grab hold of it,” she began to cough fitfully, a slight rattle banging about in her lungs as she did. Was this going to be the last time I ever saw my mother? I couldn’t accept that.
“Promise me that you’ll fight.”
How could I refuse her? “I promise, Mama.”
“Good. Come here and let me hold you.” And I let her. I curled up against her small body as if I were a child once more. To be honest, in that moment I needed her comfort. Maybe that was selfish of me, but I don’t think you ever truly grow out of needing your mother. I might have been all of two and twenty years, but the fear of what’s to come had me feeling vulnerable and small.
She fell asleep quickly, but I stayed listening to her shallow breaths, bargaining with the gods to give me more time with her. To walk out of Nocturne as a champion. I had to. I had to return, or my family would be losing us both soon, and I don’t think they’d be able to survive that.
Chapter 2
Odessa
“Theo, you’re not listening. I don’t have a choice.” My fiancé of two years sat across from me looking angrier than I’d ever seen him, and I’d known him my whole life. His dark brown eyes were rimmed red with tears and there was a new hole in the wall of my parent’s living room that left its mark on his knuckle. “I can’t just run away. They would track me down and kill me for deserting. Then they’d slaughter my family. That’s how it works. I’m not risking my family for a miniscule chance at freedom.”
“Better them than you. You won’t survive this, Dessy. You’re too mild mannered and timid. Which I love about you, but it doesn’t serve your best interests when trying to survive in Nocturne. You know the stories as well as I do about what goes on down there. Do you really think you could kill another person?”
His words were all ones I’d thought myself but hearing him doubt me like this felt wrong. Like a slap across the face, making my stomach sour and my anger rise. I could never do something to put my own family in danger, even if there were a way out and I could escape. Their lives meant more to me than my own. Heshould know that about me by now. Deserting was a sure way to have the gods condemn us all. Even Theo. They’d go for anyone close to me.
“I think people never know what they’re capable of until they’re faced with no other option.”
“Don’t be naive, Odessa. That sounds like a lie you’re telling yourself to make yourself feel better. To play in Nocturne is to sign your death to the gods, and you know it.”
I swallowed hard as he jumped up to pace the length of my family’s living room. He’d been here plenty of times before, but I felt as if I were seeing him clearly for the first time. Our parents had pushed us together, and we were on track to get married after graduation. They’d arranged our union early on in my life, and I’d always known we would end up together. While my feelings for Theo were true, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something more that I was missing. Some vital experience that a carefully planned life wouldn’t offer. My fingers twisted the simple ring with a small diamond that he’d given me two years ago when he’d asked for my hand. It felt tight around my skin.
“Theo, there’s nothing that can be done. You know that. I don’t wish to leave on bad terms, please.”
His face looked crestfallen. “You’re right. Why don’t I take you to the gods’ temple? We could pray for your safe return from the gods.”
Internally, I felt annoyed by his suggestion. Theo knew that I adamantly avoided that place at all costs. The knowledge of how the gods played with our lives like we were nothing more than their playthings irked me. I’d never been one to give my loyalty to the gods, but my family and his were staunch believers. I knew it upset Theo that I didn’t hold the same beliefs, and he was praying that one day I would. I didn’t see that happening anytime soon.
He sat next to me then. He was so close that I could feel the body heat and anger wafting up from him. But it was the look on his earnest face swayed me to agree.
“Fine. We can go.”
