"He had an episode," he tells me simply.
I just nod and signal for him to come with me to the kitchen.
"Has he had them since he was young?" I ask while putting water on to boil.
"Did he tell you anything about his mother's punishments?"
I shake my head slightly, and I wish this didn't bother me so much. It hurts that while he knows every dark corner of my soul, I'm only beginning to discover the depths of his pain. It's like he's already learned the complete map of my traumas, while I'm still fumbling through the labyrinth of his past, finding more and more locked doors. And though I know we all have our demons, the thought gnaws at me that he's managed to see so deeply into me, while I'm only beginning to understand the complexity of his wounds.
"He probably won't. I think in his mind he wants to hope he's moved past those moments."
Vasili sucks in a breath, and I grip the counter, waiting for him to find his words.
"Sometimes they were physical punishments. Cuts, thin blades embedded in muscles just enough to cause constant pain but keep him functional. Other times they were psychological.Did you know she showed him footage of Berna, his sister, being raped?"
He has a bitter smile on his lips, and I know my eyes are becoming wet. I imagine a little boy with brown hair, with dimples, with those coffee-colored eyes, forced to watch his sister being abused, and I wish I could travel back in time to that moment and hold him in my arms. Assure him it'll be okay.
"Other times it was a combination. Her favorite was to take the skin and flesh from various individuals who bothered her and attach them to his body. Roxy, do you know what flesh smells like at one hundred and four degrees? Do you know what texture it has? How it becomes sticky from interstitial fluids? She always found it ironic how Damien, who peeled the skin off her enemies, had this repulsion, and she took advantage of it for days, months, years."
My stomach turns, but I force myself to keep listening, to understand Damien. To be able to help him. To have fuel to destroy the woman who did this to him when I have her in front of me.
"These episodes started appearing when such punishments piled up within a short period. Because he wasn't allowed to move. He wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom. Otherwise, Berna or I would receive other punishments."
"Thank you for telling me, Vasili."
"You didn't run screaming," he tells me with a smile on his lips.
No, I didn't run. And worse, I didn't think for even a second about running. All I wanted was to touch my husband to make sure he was okay.
"I guess insanity is contagious in this house," I reply with a timid smile.
"So is love," he answers and leaves the kitchen.
Chapter 42
Damien
Marco invited us to his birthday party, so here I am in the bedroom, pulling on the most uncomfortable suit in the history of suits. What the hell is it about jeans and T-shirts that men don’t like? Why do they feel the need to suffocate themselves in these monstrosities? But I know why I'm doing it. Because in the mirror, I can see her analyzing me from head to toe, mesmerized by how I look in this thing.
Maybe I should wear one more often, just to see her look at me like that, pupils dilated.
But I know I'm doing the same thing. Staring at her. Because she's wearing a red dress with an open back, black stilettos, and straight hair. Her lips are painted deep crimson, and I want to know what they taste like, but no.
Since that incident, since I caused that scratch on her hand, I've denied myself this dose of happiness.
I watch her silhouette approach in the mirror, holding a necklace, moving toward me.
"Can you help me, please?" she asks, and I have to clear my throat.
I take it from between her fingers and position it around her neck. When I manage to clasp it, I notice her frowning at her own reflection.
"What's wrong?"
She finds my gaze in the mirror.
"My head's too big for this straight hair, and the earrings don't work. I need something longer to elongate—"
I turn her around before she can finish, so I don't have another episode right now.
