“Do you want the baby?” he asks. “The mother?”
“Yes,” I respond.
“Which one?” he asks.
“Both.”
And that is the fucking truth. The whole fucking truth. I won’t pretend that I don’t want Wrenly. I do, more now than ever. Or maybe that’s just because I was close enough to smell her, to almost taste her.
Fuck me, but I wish I were at her hotel right this second.
“Well then. I’m not sure what you want me to say?” he asks. “It seems like you are going to be bringing your woman home with your son soon.”
It seems as though that’s exactly what will be happening, but instead of telling him that, I decide I need to ask a question. A big one. “What do I do?” I ask. “I don’t know what to do.”
I’ve never had a question like this in my life. My focus has always been hockey and only hockey. My decisions have been easy and sound. My whole fucking world has been the game, but this doesn’t compare.
This is bigger than hockey, something that before now, I didn’t think was even possible.
WRENLY
The hours pass, and as each one goes by, I wonder if I really will hear from Eli or if he’s now the one running scared. That would be disappointing, but I would understand, all things considered. I couldn’t even be mad if he decided that he wanted nothing to do with us because I took so many choices and things from him from the start.
I tuck my phone in my back pocket. Ryan and I are both freshly bathed and dressed for the day, so I decide to go ahead and find breakfast. Hitching Ryan’s diaper backpack over my shoulders, I pick him up and double-check to make sure that I have my room key and my phone before we head downstairs.
Eating is always a challenge. Ryan isn’t really a picky eater, but he also knows what he likes and what he absolutely does not. After a banana, pancakes, and bacon, we go on an adventure.
Not much of an adventure, basically just us walking around the shopping center that’s around the arena. There are tons of restaurants, but I decide to see if I can find a park. Once I step out of the hotel lobby, I inhale a deep breath and let it out slowly.
I can’t help but think about anything and everything that I did wrong. Having Eli in our lives doesn’t mean much to me. He’s sexy and beautiful in every way a man can be, but honestly, I just want him for Ryan.
The park is about three miles away, which isn’t too bad of a walk, but I decide to head upstairs and get Ryan’s stroller. There is no way I want to carry him for a six-mile round trip. A few moments later, with some water, my diaper bag on my back, and Ryan strapped into his stroller, I start my phone’s GPS and a podcast before we head toward the park.
Ryan plays and plays. He’s happiest when he’s able to explore, get dirty, and be free. With sharp eyes on my boy, I allow him that sense of freedom. Thankfully, there is a grocery store only a quarter of a mile from the park, so when my stomach starts to grumble, I gather Ryan and go in search of picnic snacks.
We’re just sitting at the park picnic table to start our makeshift charcuterie when my phone buzzes on the wooden tabletop. I glance down, and my breath hitches. It’s a new text notification, and it’s from Eli.
Sliding my thumb over the screen, I read the message. It’s short, to the point, but I’m also hopeful.
ELI: Hey, just got done with work for the day. Where are you at?
I think about telling him at the hotel, but it’s going to take me an hour or so to walk back there, especially pushing the stroller, so I decide against it. Plus, I’m starving. I have been so anxious and stressed out over all of this, I haven’t been eating much lately. It’s finally starting to catch up with me, and I feel like food is a need right now and not so much a want.
Ryan and I are at a park. I can drop you my pin.
Instead of waiting for a response, I drop the pin immediately, and Eli replies almost instantaneously.
ELI: Be there in twenty.
Biting the inside of my cheek, I try really hard not to smile at that. I should not be feeling giddy and excited. I should not be feeling aroused at all. This is supposed to be about Ryan and not me, but try telling that to my body.
Because my belly flips and flutters, goose bumps break out over my flesh, and my smile becomes impossible to hide—I’m excited, hopeful and, dare I say, happy.
EIGHT
ELI
I still don’t knowwhat I’m going to do. Even after talking to my stepdad, I feel almost as lost as I did the moment I saw Wrenly last night. He basically just told me to do what I feel is the right thing to do. I called him because I didn’t know what the fuck to do, and I wanted him to tell me.
