Instead, some sick part of me responds to it.
Gets wet from it.
Wants to perform well for the camera, for the future audience, for him.
What's wrong with me? What have I become?
Afterward—after he comes in my mouth and I swallow without being told because I know that's what he expects and I hate how automatic that obedience has become—he makes me watch the recording.
"No," I protest weakly, though we both know it's futile. "Please, I don't want to see?—"
"You need to see.Needto understand how you look to others. What the audience will see when you perform at the showcase. This is crucial feedback for your training."
He pulls up the footage on his laptop with a few efficient keystrokes.
Positions the screen so we're both watching, sitting side by side on the couch.
I see myself on screen.
Kneeling between his legs in the black lingerie.
Taking him in my mouth with a technique that looks practiced, skilled, eager.
Looking—
I look willing.
That's what horrifies me most.
I don't look forced or coerced or terrified.
I don't look like a captive performing under duress.
I look like I'm choosing this. Like I want it. Like I'm deriving pleasure from pleasing him.
The woman on screen looks devoted.
Submissive. Perfectly trained.
Like property that knows its purpose and fulfills it gladly.
"See?" Vaughn says, his voice warm with satisfaction. "You're perfect. Completely natural. You don't look uncomfortable at all. Don't look like you're being forced. You look like you want to please me."
"I was uncomfortable," I whisper, unable to look away from the screen even though watching makes me want to die of shame.
"But you don't show it. That's what matters. The audience won't know you're struggling internally. Won't see your doubts or your resistance. They'll just see a well-trained woman who's devoted to pleasing her owner. Who knows her place. Who accepts what she is."
The words make bile rise in my throat.
Because he's right.
The woman on screen looks exactly like what she is—an acquisition.
Property.
Something owned and trained and obedient.
Something that belongs to Vaughn Sutherland completely.
