He chokes on his salmon, which I caught myself, after Laumon taught me how to fish. Harrowing experience, that. Yet, I feel as though it built character.
Coughing, Samson reaches for his glass of water, and I wait patiently for him to gather himself. “Y-you—” He coughs again. “What?” He pours air into his lungs. “You only havea training sword.”
“Yes, which is why I want the Crystal Gem Blade in the Mystic Forest.”
“Andnext to nofield combat experience!”
“What are you talking about? We’ve been in the mines every few days, and I haven’t lost a single HP. Not one. I’m basically a natural.”
“A queen slime is nothing like the pests we’ve been handling a few layers down in the mines, Citrus.” He glares at me flatly. “Where even is the queen slime lair? I’ll send a message to the city with Mimet to get the adventurer’s guild to handle it.”
My mouth drops open as I gasp. “No way! I need the Crystal Gem Blade.” Dropping my fork, I wave my hand in a slashing motion. “Rainbow magic sparkles spray with every hit. It comes with a base damage offifty, and by adorning the hilt with the right gems, it transforms intoVerity’s Edge. Base damage of ninety, crits in theone-twenties.” I cross my arms. “No stinky adventurers are going to get my fancy sword.” In other news, it’spink and yellow. So. Yeah. Made for me.
“Queen slimes are as big as you,probably bigger,” Samson grumbles. “They’re faster despite their size. They spawn hoards of tiny—” He swears. “—and theyjump.High. One wrong move, and you’re stuck in acidic jelly that’s eating you down to your bones.”
“I completely understand the concern, Samson.” Somehow managing to not combust, I lay my hand against one of his perfect shoulders in a reassuring fashion. His muscles tense beneath my touch as I soothe, “However, I have cheat codes.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Queen slime has one thousand HP.”
Samson cusses.
“Butyou can dismember her with a bomb, creating seven rainbow slimes each with only a hundred HP each.”
Tweaking out—eye twitching, fingers flexing, forehead vein popping—Samson echoes, “Dismember her with a bomb.”
“Mhm?” I squeak, more high-pitched than confident.
I don’t want to give the love of my life an aneurysm.
“Seven slimes with one hundred HP each is stillseven slimes with a total ofsevenhundred HP. Your training sword deals, what did you say the first time we were in the mines? Five damage?”
“Three, unless I’m critting.”
“Three.” The word is iron hard and impassable. “Help me out with the math there… That’s how many hits?”
“Thirty-three point three infinity per slime,butnormal slimes are stupid slow with paltry hops. It’ll just be a dumb grind. No big deal. Bomb. Slime babies. Whack, whack, whack forever. Sword!” I clear my throat, muttering an addendum, “Then, you know, special dungeon, retrieve puppies, open a fancier mine with better resources…perfect plan!”
“You’re delusional if you think I’ll agree to put you anywherenearsomething with one thousand HP while you’re armorless and your only weapon dealsthree damage.”
Being delusional is one of my best traits. It’s why I don’t cry myself to sleep every night after chatting with my stupid journal and seeing that Samson’s feelings for me maintain being summed up with????.
I say, “Your weapon deals at least ten since you take down early-game slimes with one whack. That’s only ten whacks per baby slime, seventy whacks in total, and actually less since I’ll be valiantly helping.” I brighten. “Or, or, consider, you let me borrow your sword. I should, after all, do most of the work if I want to earn the Crystal Gem Blade for myself, and I do. If you do most of the work, it really should be yours.”
“I have no interest in a sparkly sword.”
“Excellent!” I clap my hands together. “So it’s decided? I can borrow your sword, and we’ll head to the secret passage in the morning? You can throw the bomb, since that part actively freaks me out. Blast radius is harder to determine with therealism mod, and I cannot tell you how many times I nicked my character using bombs to clear rocks in the mines in game.”
The dry look on Samson’s face makes me think it isnotdecided, and he will be locking me in my bedroom tonight. “Your food’s getting cold.”
I pout. “Samson, we’ve been having terrible luck in the mines. We need to accelerate our access to better resources. A better sword and progressing the game’s plot will help a ton with that.Not to mention, the drops in the mine that the Sky Dungeon unlocks are way better, so we might get the topaz we need for the elevator way faster.Also, don’t forget about thepuppies. They’re trapped, and alone, and sad. Don’t you feel bad for them?”
He shows zero signs of feeling bad for them. “What even is aSky Dungeon?”
“It’s a sequence of puzzle rooms that unlock access to a mine with higher level enemies, better loot, and end-game lore upon conquest.”
“End-game lore,” he repeats evenly.
