“No, thank you. I’m fine, really.”
He nods again, and turns.
My heart lurches, and my hand lunges, catching his shirt. “Wh-where are you going? Please don’t sleep in my farmhouse. It probably has bugs. Mice! You’ll get a horrible disease.” I start to get up. “We don’t have to share your bed if you don’t want to anymore. I’ll sleep with Yami in the other room. Tsuki can come in here. It’ll be great. You’ll have a cuddle buddy still.”
Samson places me firmly back in bed, tucking my fuzzy blanket around my neck. “Do you mind sleeping here with me?”
My face heats. “N-no.”
“Then I’m just going to get you your toothbrush and a cup of water, so you can brush your teeth.”
I blink. “I can stand, Samson. You don’t have to go through that extra trouble.”
“It’s no trouble.”
“But—”
“Youare no trouble.” His stern look has me settling back in bed.
Tangible relief consumes me when we’ve both brushed our teeth, he’s reheated my warm pack, and he’s climbed into bed beside me. Having this slice of normal eases the panic swirling in my stomach. Naturally, as I have for the past few weeks, I roll toward him, awaiting an embrace that doesn’t come.
In the darkness, I feel him tense when I graze his arm, then I realize the strangest thing.
He…is wearing a shirt.
Anxiety spikes anew. I don’t know what to do with this information. I’m not sure what concerns me more—the break from routine or the fact he’sflinchingat my touch. Have I done something wrong? Did what Ines said make him realize how very weird it is for us to share a bed platonically?
Has he realized that it’s a teeny-tiny bitlessplatonic for me, given how terribly in love with him I am and all?
That must be it.
With Ines’s prompting, he’s put it together.
He’s too kind to reject me outright, while I’m on my period, so he’s bearing with it, trying to figure out how to let me down easy. The last thing I want to do is take advantage of him, make him suffer because of me, force him to carry yet another emotional burden.
In order to, what?
Spare my feelings a few extra moments?
It’s going to hurt no matter how gently he puts hisno.
I’ll just need to…get over it. See if I can’t spare our friendship. After all, heartbreak is silly when I’ve never been in a relationship before. Losing him as a friend, though, losing everything we’ve been through so far, that would kill me.
“Citrus?” he whispers into the bleak darkness.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I brace myself for the worst. “Yes?”
Silence.
It’s heavy.
Then, it’s broken.
“Do you feel safe with me?” he asks.
Do I…
I am a small woman. He is a large man. Does he… Is he aware of that? I’dhaveto feel safe to fall asleep around him. Maybe that’s not common sense, so I say, “Yes. Completely.”
