no, you’re a very nice old man
benign
like a
O
I didn’t know roses had hips
Viola
pigeon
O
jesus
does that make you the crow in this analogy
are you going to eat my heart out
Viola
yes x
His bathroom gives little away. Slate and silver, a powerful, pendulous showerhead. A few jars in the corner: Marine Collagen, Wrinkle Corrector, an expensive-looking deodorant. Outside is December: colored light displays switching on and local vendors shutting for the evening.
This is mad, he said on the phone last month.
What, just generally?
No, well yes, but no, I had a specific madness to suggest…She imagined his trailer somewhere in northern Iceland, his windows glowing into the starry abyss. She imagined him lying on his small bed, shirtlessperhaps, his face shiny from makeup remover. Were the remains of dinner on an abandoned tray, or had he eaten with others: the gorgeous costar, the clever production crew? Who else was attending to his needs? On the phone, he shape-shifts, becomes younger versions of himself, characters from decades ago.
Go on, madman.
His calls had become frequent, and she understood there was little else to do. For a moment, the phone cut out and when it came back in, he was saying—it’s just too weird now, with their boyfriends or girlfriends all trying to get you presents, being all Ho Ho Ho, you just feel like a bit of a spectacle, and I’d rather just do something quiet anyway.
Sorry, your niece and nephew?
Oh, did you miss that?
Sorry, I—
Ach, God. Do you want to come for Christmas?
She closed her eyes and allowed his voice to become the only moving thing in the universe.
There is nothing I want more.
She said it because it was true. Because it overwhelms her—God, each morning she is hit fresh with need. The whole world has taken him on as a permanent undertone: the music on the radio, the earth under her feet. Is love a persistent wondering?What will he think, say, feel? How will he—? Has he ever—? When, when, when?
They still have not slept together.
Do you think your family will mind?he asked.Do you have, you know, Christmas stuff?
I think they’ll get it.
Is that a twin thing, you just get each other? Do you have freaky twin thoughts?
