Yeh Fitoor Meraplays in the video when Reyansh walks towards me, and I hold my breath the same way I did in the moment. While he knows how to converse in Hindi, his knowledge of Bollywood songs was zilch. How he managed to learn all the songs I wanted to be played at the wedding I cannot fathom. But I loved the effort he put in to make my small dream wedding come true.
I feel Reyansh inch closer towards me, and I wish the bed was a little bigger because I have no space to go.
He has changed into a half-sleeved t-shirt, and his skin feels hot against mine.
“I love this song,” I whisper unknowingly, and he looks at me. I don’t have the heart to look up at him because I know Iwill break. All the nonchalant acts will fail, and I will become an emotional, sobbing mess.
“I know,” he says. “I have them all memorized by heart.”
I ignore his comment and the way it lights up my heart. Instead I focus on the video that is piercing through my heart.
He comes towards me in the video, and even through the screen I can see the way he looks at me. Like I am the only one who exists in his world. Like others disappear when I am in the room. I smile up at him, my hands covered inmehendi, and he removes the hair that had escaped the chain that was tied to it, tucking it carefully behind my ears. He cups my cheek, leaning down to kiss my forehead, and the adoration fills my heart.
The crowd erupts in cheers, and Reyansh pulls me up with him.
My eyes turn heavy with both sleep and tears, and I can’t look at the video anymore. Not only because the moment was so sweet but also because of how brutally it breaks my heart.
The video reminds me of what we once were and what we have become now, and I hate it so much I can’t express it in words.
I try to steal a glance at Reyansh only to find him looking at me with the same pain in his eyes as mine.
“I am sorry,” are the words he mouths to me, and I nod because I understand. I always did, but it doesn’t make it any less painful.
It doesn’t erase what has happened.
My attention goes back to the video whenMaa’sface comes into view. She was a sobbing mess the entire time.
I feel my head getting heavier, but I can’t get up without hearing my mom go on and on about me not being nice to her. So, I sit with my neck stiff until Reyansh pulls my head onto his shoulder.
I look at him in confusion, the warm press of his hand against my face a surprise.
“Rest,” he whispers in my ear, his warm breath tickling my skin. “I know you are tired. I have got you.”
The honesty in his eyes lets me trust him once, and I let myself have this moment with him.
One last time.
Reyansh Carter
Aisha is dead asleep on my shoulder, and I cannot take my eyes off of her. The way her eyelashes fall on her cheek so perfectly, her chest falling up and down in a monotony, her lips parted slightly—she is a sight to look at.
I know watching this video wasn’t easy for her; after all, it brought back all the memories we had so carefully buried deep inside our hearts. It surely wasn’t easy for me either.
After all, these were the best days of our lives.
I still remember how ecstatic she was to have her version of a Bollywood-coded Punjabi wedding. She had given me a list of things and songs she wanted at her wedding, and I was happy to oblige. I made sure to learn all the songs she wanted, get my clothes matched to hers, and everything in between. I wanted my wife happy, and I was ready to go to the ends of the world to do that.
If only I had kept that sentiment alive, we would have never reached this point.
“Maa,” I say slowly, trying not to wake her up. “I am taking her back to our room. You guys should sleep too. It’s too late.”
With one hand below her legs and one to secure her head safely, I lift her up. Her face steady in the crook of my neck, I take slow steps towards our room whenMaastops me.
“Reyansh?” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “Take care of my daughter.”
I know what she means, and I know how much I have hurt her too with breaking my promises. And she has been the one who has supported me throughout.
“I will,Maa. I won’t break my promise this time.”
