“I am confirming that this is mutual,” the family attorney says, and we both give him a mechanical nod. My eyes don’t move away from her as he slides the papers in front of us.
“You both need to sign this for further proceedings,” he says, and I nod.
My heart beats as loudly as possible when I see her pick up the pen, and I keep my hands to myself and blink my eyes rapidly to send the tears back.
I can’t break like this. Not when I know she will break too.
“Aisha,”Maasays, and she finally moves to pick up the pen. She moves a little to pick up the pen but still doesn’t sign the papers.
I see her hand shake, and every inch of my body shakes to hold her hand.
What’s wrong?
* * *
Aisha Kapoor
My hand shakes, and I feel everyone’s eyes on me. Especially my husband’s, whom I am here to divorce. His never really do stray away from me, do they?
It was me who wanted this, right? Even when I didn’t fully believe it. Even when I could see how much it was breaking him.
Even when I saw the pain on his face as he let me go yesterday.
So why was I hesitating now?
But ever since he said he would let me go if it meant not losing me, I had been getting flashbacks.
Flashbacks of what I was before him, who I became with him and who I was momentarily after him.
I know which version is the true version. I know which one of those was healthy.
It was always with him.
Maacalls my name once again, and I drop the pen hastily. It drops on the floor with a thud that pierces through the quiet room, and I hear him intake a sharp breath.
“Aisha, are you okay?” His hand comes behind my back, and even though I have hurt him so much, he still cares. He always does, and that proves how wrong I was to think this was a good decision.
“I can’t do this,” I say, standing up, and he follows me.
“What?” he says, and I can feel my heart race.
Both of our mothers stand up, and I can tell they know what I am about to do.
“I can’t do this,” I say to him, and he comes close to me, and I can see the relief and anticipation on his face. Just one night of us being away, and he looks like a man who is tired and exhausted, with tear stains marring his face.
“I thought this was the right thing to do,” I say as I shake slightly and tears run down my face. He holds me steady in my arms, and I feel my heart calm down one touch of his at a time.
“I thought that this was what we both wanted. That this would be healthy. But I was wrong. I don’t want to be away from you.”
“Calm down,” he says, pulling me towards him, and I forget that there are people around us. “It’s okay.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head, and he cups my face in his hands, his thumbs wiping my tears softly. “I love you, Reyansh. I want to stay with you. I want to fight and fix. But I don’t want you to let go. I am sorry for hurting you.”
His own eyes glisten, and a tear slips down his eye.
“I know,” he says. “I know. I could hear the fear in your voice yesterday. I knew that if I wanted you to come back to me fully, I needed to let you go, even if momentarily.”
“So if I gave you a divorce today, you wouldn’t have moved on?”
