But who would make my oversensitive heart understand that?
When I asked him about it, he said that I didn’t need to worry about it and that it was something small stressing him out. He had gently kissed my forehead and gone to the gym, and I got a whiplash of all those months that led to this moment.
The one genuine fear I carried in my heart was that no amount of pep talk could help me leave.
* * *
I stirred thepohasoftly, keeping one eye on mychaiso it wouldn’t boil and spill out whenMaacame from behind, startling me.
“You scared me?” I said, to which she smiled, “You are backearly.”
She had gone to drop Chhavi at her hostel, and I had refused to say bye to her.Maaunderstood that something was off but didn’t say anything about it.
“Yes,” she said. “I just told her to take care and keep calling her mom.”
I nodded, and she stared at me silently. Too many thoughts were running in my mind, and I didn’t know what to do.
“She was worried about you.”
I paused my stirring. “She doesn’t need to,Maa. All she does is fake that she is concerned. I can’t tell you what she said to me, but it was definitely bad.”
“I can understand,” she says, surprising me slightly. “But is it wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is that three months passed in a blink and you are still not sure what to do.”
I bite my lip, looking down at my sad-lookingpoha.
She tilts my chin with her hand so that I face her, and the sadness on her face matches my own, and somehow hers breaks my heart more than my own does.
“Beta, I know you love him, and I know he loves you too, but I also see how you guys keep hurting each other. Despite me not wanting you guys to separate, I want you to understand that just the fact that you guys love each other is not enough.”
I took in a deep breath even though that was painful because my heart could anticipate what was coming ahead.
“Are you always going to become a shell of who you are when he is upset or stressed because I see it on your face, Aisha? His mood affects yours, and while that is not a bad thing, it gets problematic when his every action starts affecting what you do and who you become.”
A lone tear slipped down my eye, and I felt myself shake as she took me in her embrace.
“I love you, Aisha, and it hurts to see you be so troubled and look like you are walking on eggshells all the time.”
“What do I do then,Maa?” I ask, broken, and for the first time in these three months, I feel like she can understand my pain. “I love him.”
“I know,” she says, rubbing a calming hand up and down my arms as her own eyes glisten with tears. “Take a break.”
My eyes grow confused, and she takes my face in her hands, her touch calm and soft.
“I am not saying leave him forever or stop loving him. I know you both cannot live without each other, but if it is hurting you at the moment, I think it is time to step away and heal alone. Before you both decide to heal each other.”
My heart breaks as I digest her words as I look away. But based on what has happened, I don’t see any harm in it.
“You have all the time in the world to decide—”
“I know what to do. I need a divorce.”
Her eyes widen when she hears me say those words with so much determination because she knows and I know that I am not bluffing this time.
When I turn around to face her, I see that Reyansh is standing at the entrance of the kitchen.
