Chapter Twenty-One
Lady Amelia Brimley
I entered my bed chamber and inhaled the familiar scent of roses. My mother was fond of the potpourri, and every Monday, she had the servants place fresh sachets throughout the house. I walked into my bedroom, yawning. Night had fallen, and the house was quiet. The kiss I had shared with Oliver had fired my blood, and my subsequent conversation with Noah fanned the flames. I almost wished I hadn’t kissed either Noah or Oliver.
Almost.
“Lady Amelia,” Jenny, my maid, said from my dressing room. Jenny offered me a sleepy smile. I entered the room and turned my back to her. Capable fingers unfastened my gown until the back gaped.
“I’m sorry I’m late. Master Samuel was fussy, and I had to rock him to sleep.” With each loosening of the corset, I inhaled some much-needed air. After I dismissed Jenny, I would start to read Sally’s diary.
“Nurse says the young master is teething,” Jenny said. “I hope he will be well enough to travel to the country for your wedding this Sunday.”
“I am certain he will be.” I stepped behind the folding dress screen and removed my underclothes. My upcoming wedding added another layer to the heat that continued to course throughmy body. Oliver had pinned me against the tree in his zeal to kiss me. Never before had he displayed such a lack of inhibitions. My uncertainty in him had faded a tad, but something in the back of my mind still signaled doubt.
My boldness toward Noah had been impulsive. A kiss to remember me by? Of course he’d remember...how brazen I had become. Warmth invaded my cheeks as I slid the modest cotton nightgown off the screen and slipped it over my head. My actions tonight and the night in his room were questionable. If he were a lesser gentleman, he might use this as leverage to gain a concession from me. Yet I didn’t truly regret them.
The room was on the street side of the house, and I took comfort from the sounds drifting in from the street. I moved from behind the screen and sat at the dressing table. Jenny unfastened my hair until the long strands fell to my shoulders. She yawned once more, and I took the brush from her hands. “You may find your bed. I will finish my hair.”
Indecision flittered across her smooth brow. I shook my head and offered her an encouraging smile. The sooner I could be alone, the faster I could delve into the diary. “I will hear no argument. You have been working hard to pack my belongings and arrange for my move to Hayesford Hall. I beg you to get your rest.”
“Very well, my lady.” She gave me a curtsy and, with a soft swish of her skirts, left the room through the servants’ entrance.
The empty room seemed to amplify my beating heart. Alone at last, I pulled out the drawer from my secretary and retrieved the journal. My mouth dry, I stared at the cover. I’d gifted Sally with the volume one Christmas, and she’d taken to writing in it during her time of isolation.
“You can do this,” I whispered to the quiet room. Fear churned my stomach as I pulled open the embossed leather cover. I read her name written in my hand and the year I’d givenit to her. Dare I move forward and read it? Some might claim it was an invasion of privacy. Until I’d overheard my parents’ conversation, I would have made the same assumption.
I closed the cover and stood. My hair hung down my back. The heavy mass brushed the back of my arm. Knees weak, I walked over to the bed and climbed between the covers. The warming pans were welcome after the chills that replaced my earlier arousal. I kissed Sally’s husband. Multiple times. Reading her diary somehow seemed even more shameful after that fact.
The lamplight cast a soft glow, and rain had begun to fall, hitting the windowpanes with a soft pattering sound. Quiet reigned inside the house, and I settled the journal on my lap. Noah had put Sam to bed. Had he found his own by now?
Stop thinking about Noah in such a manner. You are engaged to Oliver. In three nights’ time, I would be lying in his bed as his wife. After I was married, I’d no longer be living at my parents’ house. I moved the second pillow on my bed behind my back and propped myself up. Oliver and I wouldn’t share a room, but we would have connecting suites as was typical for those of our station.
I would make sure he visited me often, or I him. Noah indicated it would be acceptable for me to do so. I exhaled and stared at the journal once more. The next few days would be full of preparations for my move, and I needed to take advantage of the time I had. I skimmed the first few pages written in her familiar hand.
“My dearest Ethan is looking more and more like his father every day. While we were out for a walk he...” I continued to read but found most of the entries had to do with Ethan and his antics. Sally’s love for him popped off the pages. Tears sprang to my eyes as I flipped through more. She hadn’t written every day, and some entries were months apart.
I halted at one which was dated a week before the twins were born. “Sweet Amelia came home today, but still no word from Noah. Before he’d gone to sea, he promised to be home for the birth of our child. I pray he gets here on time. The baby is active and I’m most anxious for him to arrive. I have a sense it’ll be a boy. I pray he’s healthy.”
Sally was surprised, as were the rest of us when she’d had twins. “My boys are here. Twins. Both boys are healthy. Noah still hasn’t returned and Mama insisted Amelia go back to school in preparation for her coming out season. I do wish she could have stayed. The melancholy I’d experienced after Ethan’s birth is back with the twins, but this time it feels much more insurmountable. I don’t know how I shall ever overcome it.”
“Oh Sally, I am sorry. So sorry.” Sobs choked me as I read on. “Had I simply paid attention, I could have helped you.”
The handwriting blurred before my eyes, and I wanted to toss the book away in my grief, yet I kept reading.
