“Our priorities often change as we grow older.” As a youth, I had been obsessed with sailing across the seas. During my time on the ship, I had the opportunity to fulfill some of those dreams. My wife’s death changed all of that. I had an obligation in England to my children and my estate. “I see you and Oliver seem to be getting along well.”
She snapped her head up, a blush flushing her cheeks. “You saw us.”
“I did. He didn’t seem, um, reluctant as you feared.” The conversation was moving into deep waters, but talking about such matters didn’t seem taboo after the intimacies we shared.
“No, he instigated the kiss, which was very unusual for Oliver.” She stopped rocking and shifted Sam’s weight to her other arm. “I was pleased, of course.”
“Perhaps your engaged status freed his inhibitions.” The night I spent with Oliver had proven to be full of surprises, most especially his willingness to explore the pleasures of the flesh. I had hoped to experience one more tryst with him, but time had run out for us.
“He indicated as much. But...” She exhaled a long breath, the corners of her mouth turned down.
“But?” I prompted, curious for her answer.
“I desired him before the engagement, and my desire for him has never dimmed. If he truly desired me, would an engagement matter?” Uncertainty added frown lines between her brows.
The roundabout question triggered my unease. There was no way I could reveal Oliver’s confidences to me. Yet Amelia waited for my answer. Rolling the words around in my mind, I said, “When it comes to matters of the heart, there is no clear answer.”
“That is a very ambiguous answer.” She started rocking Sam once more, and the boy’s mouth parted in slumber. “You and I, um, well, did you desire me before we, um, well, I was in your room?” She spoke barely above a whisper. “Or was it spontaneous?”
How to answer? Her words seemed to echo inside the room. If I lied to her, it would be unfair to both of us. “The last time I went to sea, you were a girl. I came back, and you were a woman. A very desirable woman who was on the cusp of being engaged to a duke. Had my circumstances not changed, you would already be a duchess.”
“Our circumstances.” She pressed her lips together and lowered her lashes.
“Our circumstances.” I continued to rock, the familiar motion soothing my nerves at the reminder. We’d be forever tied together by the bonds of family. “You will be a duchess on Sunday.”
Amelia inhaled a noticeable breath and rested her cheek on Sam’s head. She kissed the boy’s temple, her love for him palpable. Once she was married, she’d have children of her own, and I had no doubt she’d be a wonderful mother. If fate had played a different hand and I decided to take her up on her offer of marriage, she would bear my children.
“Will my married status change your opinion of me?” she asked.
“Nothing will change my opinion of you.” I chose not to marry again; therefore, I would never have any more children. My three boys were enough to sustain any man, and I loved them all.
“Then you would still desire me after I wed?” Amelia opened her eyes as she spoke, her pupils large and dark. She skimmed my face, her silent invitation tugging at my already frayed nerves.
If I were of a mind, I could lean over the arm of my chair and press a kiss to her sweet lips. My mind screamed no. Even now, watching her hold my child with such love made me desire her more. “I’m not sure if I should answer that question or not. I don’t usually go around cuckolding my friends.”
The hypocrisy of my comment wasn’t lost on me. I’d let Oliver bugger me while he was engaged to her. Things were different for men than women, but Amelia wouldn’t see it that way, which added to my guilt.
Ironic laughter met my comment. “Technically, I wasn’t engaged when you kissed me.”
“I did more than kiss you.” I bit back a groan at the foolish reminder. Memories of that night with her flooded my mind. I had no right to think about her in such a way, and yet I did. It was difficult to suppress the effect she had on my body. Between her and Oliver, I was hard-pressed to keep my sanity.
“Yes, I remember,” she said, her voice heavy with need.
My blood hummed in response to her admission. “It would be best if you forget what happened.”
Silence stretched between us. From the way she adjusted her jaw, she was trying to formulate a suitable reply. “Is that what you want?”
“What I want is irrelevant. You’re engaged to Oliver. Soon you will be his bride, and you’ll forget about our little tryst.” I wished I could say the same thing. The last two years had been a shock to the system, and I was still treading my way through troubled waters. The pain was ongoing, and it hit me at the oddest times. I managed to avoid falling apart by keeping myself busy. It was when I stopped that things became troublesome.
“No, I don’t think so.” She shook her head, a small smile playing over her mouth. “Sam is asleep. Will you put him to bed?”
I stood and bent down to take Sam from her. Our eyes connected before mine drifted down. I was close enough to kiss her, and damned if I didn’t wish to. But I couldn’t. I straightened, bringing Sam close to my chest. I offered Amelia my free hand. “You should find your own bed.”
“I should, but before I go.” She rose to her feet and, cupping my cheek, brushed her mouth over mine in a short, searing kiss. The second we broke apart, she nodded. “A little something for you to remember me by. Good night, Noah.”
“Good night, Amelia,” I said. I stared at the door long after she departed. Desire hummed inside my veins. I hadn’t expected her to act in such a bold manner, and I had a suspicion I wouldexperience a restless night. Amelia had wormed her way into my mind, and I was powerless to ignore what was growing between us.
Except I had no choice but to do so.
