Carolina: Why are you all on this group message?
Luke: I know 35 places to dump a body just in the Gulf of Mexico alone. I can get a boat.
Mama: Why all this violent talk about Carolina’s boyfriend?
Celia: I don’t know that he’s her boyfriend…
Wysdom: I love you, Luke, but you need to butt out.
Carolina: EVERYONE needs to butt out!
Flint: I heard a rumor that they were engaged.
Flint: *gif of Dr. Evil stroking a cat*
Wysdom: WHAT!
Mama: YAY! *heart emoji/bride emoji/cake emoji*
Celia: What in the zippety-doo-dah is going on this week?
Luke: That’s it….
Carolina: Wysdom - please stop Luke from ordering a boat to dump Rand’s body in the Gulf.
Wysdom: *gif of Gomer Pyle saluting*
Mama: You got engaged?
Carolina: No one’s engaged. It was a joke at the reunion.
Papa: Why would anyone joke about this? Marriage is a serious commitment,Mija.
Carolina: Yes, Papa. I know.
Wysdom: Crisis averted. The God Among Men is going to stand down. Plus, I confiscated his phone.
Celia: Did you disconnect his home computer from dialing Tatiana?
Wysdom: *gif of a woman burning rubber*
Flint: *laughing emoji*
Celia: Flint - this isn’t funny.
Flint: *sends full screen of laughing emojis*
Carolina: Everyone - just calm the F down. No one’s engaged. I’m fine. It’s fine. Everything is fine.
Mama: Maybe if you took a belly dancing class, you could - air quotes - entice him to propose? *full screen of winky emojis*
Celia: Mama, you don’t have to type out air quotes like that.
Carolina: For the love of…
Mama: *sends 10 YouTube links of belly dancing tutorials*
Celia: I need brain bleach.
