“Great. Now, I’ll be thinking of beavers all day.”
-Rand
After our disaster date, Carolina boxed up most of her salad and took a pass on the chocolate torte. It was just as well. She didn’t want to be seen with me, and I got that. I get that a lot. Women only wanted one thing from me, so I should be used to it.
But Carolina’s rejection stings.
“What’s up, Romeo?” Faylor calls from the kitchen. “We’re having fish tacos tonight. Hashtag TACO TUESDAY!”
I chuckle. Faylor insists on saying “hashtag” before things, just to annoy the kids at school. Add in the purple hair. It’s like she’s daring them to try and bully her. First of all, they love her, so they wouldn’t dream of it. Secondly, I’d make those little shits disappear if they tried anything.
I would science it up and make it look like an accident.
Being all “sciency” makes me think about Carolina, which causes my chest to hurt.
Fuck-a-doodle-do.It’s probably indigestion from the pasta at lunch.
“Earth to Rand!” Faylor waves a hand in front of my face. “Were you thinking about your hot date?Bow-chicka-bow-wow!”
I playfully slap her hand from my line of vision. “No, I was not thinking of my date. And what do you know aboutbow-chicka-bow-wow?”
“I know that’s what you say to infer someone’s having sex,” Faylor huffs and heads back to the kitchen. “Like cheesy porn music, right?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “There are so many things wrong with that question. I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Relax, Rand,” Faylor points to a stool at the island. “Take a load off and tell me about your date.”
I sink onto the stool. “I don’t think it went well.”
Faylor slams down the spatula she had in her hand. “What did you do?”
“What didIdo?Sheacted like I embarrassed her!”
“Did you embarrass her?”
I think about it for a second too long. Faylor pounces.
“Aha!”
“No. Noaha!I didn’t embarrass her. I laughed at something she said. That’s what people do on dates. They laugh. They have a conversation. They talk about things that interest each other. They get to know each other better. They sample the pheromones and chemistry between them. They decide whether or not to go on a second or third date, or I don’t know, spend the rest of their lives together.”
Faylor gasps and clutches her hands to her chest. “The rest of their lives? Oh, my gosh! Is she THE ONE!?”
What the…ONE?
Before I know what’s happening, Faylor has her arms around me, trying to hug me as she jumps up and down. “I knew it! She’s THE ONE! She’s your beaver!”
Heh. Heh.Dick chimes in.We’d like to see Carolina’s beaver….
“Stop it!All of you! What the hell are you talking about, my beaver?” I shake my head as I hear the words coming out of my mouth.
“Your beaver,” Faylor huffs. “You know, an animal that mates for life!”
“I am seriously going to talk to your science teacher if that was the first animal you thought of when you think:mate for life,” I stand up and start pacing. “There are wolves, swans, penguins, puffins…”
“Fine! She’s your PUFFIN!”
I pause to smile at Faylor.Puffinis a cute name and an even cuter bird. I could imagine calling Carolina myPuff….