But she didn’t.
She took every thrust.
Every smack.
And sheliked it.
A lot more than “liked”, actually.
It wasn’t supposed to play out this way. The point was to scare her and then watch her break and run away,screamingher safe word and never once looking back on me or the Syndicate.
But she didn’t run. She didn’t even really break. She just…took it.
All of it. All ofme. All my darkness. No matter how much I fucking gave.
So, no. My concern isn’t forher. My concern is thatshe’s still fucking here.
I drum my fingers on the railing of the balcony, eying her and the others who’ve made it this far. But I’m not thinking about the initiation, or what these new Acolytes could mean for our organization.
I’m too busy replaying every single lurid detail of what just happened.
I don’t usually let go like that and release so much of my darkness. Not even close. It’s not that I’m embarrassed by my proclivities or what makes me hard.
It’s that I don’t trust myself to remain asjust meif I do that. I know what lies inside me…or should I say "who".
They used to call it split personality. Today, it goes by the much more refined name of “dissociative identity disorder”.
Well, they can call it whatever they like. The bottom line is, I don’t live alone in my head. I haveroommates.
It’s not like in the movies. I don’t have conversations out loud with myself in different fucking voices.
Well…mostly.
I wouldn't even say mine for the most part are distinct personalities. They’re more like…moods. But they’re moods that take on a life their own.
They’re all manageable.
…Except for one.
Demon.
He’s the worst of me. The darkest, most depraved, hateful, volatile, cruel and dangerous part. When the others come, it’s more a conversation until I dismiss them. When Demon comes knocking, it’s anyone’s guess what will happen.
Sometimes, we’re a “we”.
Other times, I lose all control and he takes over completely. Those are the times that I wake up in a place I don’t recognize, covered in fuck-knows-whose blood.
It's why I hold myself to a firm, disciplined code of conduct. It’s why I don’t let myself loose, like I just did with Evelina.
I thought for sure he would come out to play in full, taking over completely, especially since sex—roughsex in particular—is usually a dissociative thing for me, and a prime moment for Demon to emerge and take control.
But tonight, it was just Evelina and me.
I groan inwardly, feeling my dick twitch as my eyes land on her, standing there swaying in the middle of the room, my peacoat wrapped around her body.
I can still feel the way she shattered for me. Still see the glisten of tears in the corners of her eyes and smell the mix of coppery blood and the sweetness of her cunt in the air.
My balls tighten.
