“Fuck off, Bancroft. We haveeyes.”
I glare at him. “And what do these all-seeing eyes tell you?”
“That you’ve completely lost the fucking plot with your Acolyte. Tell me I’m wrong,” he says dryly. “Please. I wouldlovethat.”
My molars grind.
“So… What’s this about Carson?”
Gideon snorts. “Nice subject change,” he snickers.
“Yeah, fucking seamless,” Sebastian adds. “But Iamconcerned about him, so I’m choosing to ignore that. For now.”
“Again,” I sigh. “What the fuck is going on with Carson?”
“Please. Have you seen our text chain today?” Seb mutters.
No. I haven’t. I’ve been…distracted.
And they’re not in any way wrong about "my Acolyte".
I don’t fucking like this new “I have a spine” Evelina.
Well… That’s not entirely true. I like her pliant and submissive, obviously. But I do like her fight and grit as well.
…Just not when it’s directed atme.
I'm not stupid. I know what she wants from me. And it’s not that I can’t give it to her because I’m some mopey, tragic case who got burned in the past.
I can’t give Evelina what she wants, i.e., more of me, because the parts of me she doesn’t have are fuckingdangerous.
Uncontrollable. Deranged. And quite possibly, at least sometimes, with their own agendas that override my own.
How thefuckwould I explain Demon to her? Or worse, Quentin? How would I evenbeginto crack open that box of horrors, and tell her that I see and talk to my dead grandfather through a split shard of my psyche? That he hurts me but that deep down I realize it’s just me hurting myselfashim?
Exactly.
Evelina thinks she wants more from me.
She really, really doesn’t. She’d understand that, if I could show her. But I worry that showing her might be the end of her, if Quentin got his way.
I hate the current state of things, though. After I went to see her at the theater the other day, and kissed her, we’ve lapsed back into a sort of radio silence.
I don’t like it. I don’t like not feeling her body squirm and writhe and scream as I pound into her.
Not seeing her smile.
Not watching her dance from the shadows.
Well, okay. I'm still doing those last two.
I’m still watching her. Constantly. But at least shebelievesI’m respecting her self-imposed distancing.
“No,” I shake my head at Seb. “I haven’t checked the text chain.”
“You should.”
I pull out my phone, tapping on my group chat with Seb, Carson, and Gideon.
