“That’s because I do.”
Before either of us can say anything else, his phone rings.
“I’ll let you get back to work.” I walk out of his office and into the one that I use when we visit.
My phone vibrates right when I sit down. After placing my bag in the drawer, I grab my phone. When I unlock the screen, I see a message from Clint from the bar. For a moment, I contemplate not opening it.
He’s nice and all, but I don’t know if I’m really interested. I feel drawn to him in a way, though, because we are in similar situations. I don’t want to lead him on, though. It feels like there is no winning.
Dating is hard. It’s mentally draining doing the same thing over and over again. Not only that, but it’s hard to continuously put yourself out there only for it to probably not work out.
My phone vibrates again, and I look down. It’s just the push notification, reminding me to look at it.
Clint is a good guy. I really enjoyed our date together. He is funny and kind. He is a bit shy in a way, but after hearing about him trying to get over his ex, it makes sense.
I wish I could fall in love with a man like him. Maybe that’s why I haven’t totally stopped talking to him. I’ve kept hanging on, hoping that maybe what we could build together would overshadow the ideal I have in my head of Max.
Still, it only makes my head spin. My actions don’t match my words. I want to date and find a man to settle down with, but I still find myself straying toward Max whenever he is in a room.
Last week in Jamaica didn’t help things. It fed my fantasies but also reminded me that I cannot keep reading into everything he does as if he does them solely for me. I need to face the truth.I thought I was, but Jamaica proved that it is easier said than done.
I have to figure it out.
Clint
Good afternoon, gorgeous. How’s your favorite city?
I smile. Clint is very complimentary. I like that he likes to build me up with each text. No toxic masculinity. It doesn’t seem creepy. It only feels genuine.
Me
Amazing. I just ate more than I should have, but it was worth it.
Clint
Here you are eating lunch while I’m on my third cup of coffee, and it is only eight a.m. When do you get back into town?
Me
In a few days.
Clint
Want to grab a meal when you get back? No pressure, but it would be nice to get out with some company.
Sighing, I look down at my screen and contemplate it. I don’t want to lead him on, but maybe it isn’t if we are on the same page?
I look up at my door and think about Max. Maybe a friendly dinner wouldn’t be the worst idea.
Me
Sure. You tell me when and where.
Clint
Send me your flight details so I know when you are back. I’ll make the reservations and let you know the details. Talk to you later.
Me
