“A month. Maybe longer. I figured you would tell me if and when you were ready.”
I hate how hurt he looks right now. I hate that I did this to him.
“I didn’t take the job,” I tell him.
“Why not? You love London. It seems like they really want you. I mean, I see at least three of your favorite things in that box.” His tone is laced with anger.
“I do love the city, and I love when I get to go visit it because I am on business with The Williamson Group.” I let a little of my own anger start to show.
How can he sit here and act like he has a right to be angry? He has overlooked me for over a decade. He didn’t wake up until I started to look elsewhere for the things I was missing in my life. He can’t be a dick about it now.
“The fact that they sent you a box means you entertained the idea. Tell me, did you go see them when you were in London? Is that why you didn’t want me to stay?”
I won’t lie to him. I can’t.
“Yes. I met with them and heard them out. That is all. I told them I didn’t want the job.”
He shakes his head. “I wish you had told me. Did you think I was going to be mad at you?”
I suck in a breath. “No. Maybe. I don’t know. I guess I didn’t tell you because I felt guilty. You gave me this job. You let me grow into the person I am. I didn’t want to let you down.”
“You could never, Iris.” He reaches out, cupping my cheek. “I am hurt that you didn’t think you could tell me, but I can put that behind me. Please tell me you are going to tell them no.”
I look up at Max, tears in my eyes. “I did tell them no. They asked me to consider it for another week.”
“Please don’t leave,” he whispers.
“I won’t lie to you. It was enticing. They offered me a job I actually want to do. I love working with you, Max, but I am not overly excited about the job I do daily. I took this job because it is where you needed me. I don’t want to be CFO for the rest of my life. I am good with numbers, but it doesn’t mean I want to work with them. Then lately it feels like we aren’t even a team anymore. I don’t know where I stand with you or the company. I feel like I’ve been in limbo.”
He frowns. “I never want you to feel like that. If you want a different job, name it. It’s yours. If you feel left out, ask me. I’ll tell you. I don’t want you to feel separate from me.”
I blink back the tears in my eyes. “I am having a hard time trusting this, Max.”
He looks at me confused. “Trusting what? Me?”
“You. This. Whatever is going on. I have been here for over ten years. I have loved you for God knows how many of them. Now I decide that I need to move on, and I feel like you turned around and decided you didn’t want to lose your favorite toy. I want to believe that maybe you had felt the same all these years, but with Clint and now with this job, I feel like you are offering me everything a little too late. I didn’t plan to leave, but I was tempted. Maybe that is saying something. Maybe I do really need a change.”
He swallows hard. “I don’t see you as a toy. I never have. My feelings for you have been there, buried under years of friendship. I swear.”
“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” I tell him, tears in my eyes.
It’s the truth.
I don’t know if I can trust my feelings anymore.
MAX
I’m losing her.
I’m watching her slip through my fingers with every tear falling down her face right now. I really fucked all of this up. She is going to leave, and there isn’t anything I can do about it.
I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I realize I alienated her from me.
How could I not see she was so unhappy all these years? I knew she didn’t dream of being CFO, but she seemed happy to take the position. She never really talked about what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. She’s always just been there.
Maybe that’s the problem. I always thought she would be there.
I need to lay it all bare for her. Let her know the truth of my feelings. How they have lived in me since the day I met her in that coffee shop over ten years ago. How I have questioned hiring her that day instead of asking her to go out with me.
