“Sounds like a crush to me,” Marin said with a coy smile. “Welcome to your sapphic side.”
Charlotte spent the next few days texting Marin every chance she got. They met for dinner on Friday—which led to more kissing—and generally acted like any other newly dating couple. Charlotte was completelysmitten, thinking about her when they were apart, cherishing every moment together ... just like she had with her previous boyfriends.
So, she definitely wasn’t straight. She’d given it a lot of thought and even researched different sexualities on the internet, and so far, she thought pansexual was going to be the label that fit her best. She was attracted to a person, not their gender. While she’d been attracted to more men than women in her life, there was no denying she liked women too. And nonbinary people. She could be attracted to anyone, but right now, she only had eyes for Marin.
Now that Marin had brought her attention to it, Charlotte could look back over her life and recognize so many other female crushes—TV characters, celebrities, and of course Elena. It seemed so obvious now, and yet she’d totally missed it for what it was at the time. It gave her a new perspective on herself, though, to know her pansexuality was nothing new. She’dalwaysbeen attracted to women.
Wild.
Marin drove to Manhattan on Saturday to have lunch with—and come out to—two more of her siblings. While she was out of town, Charlotte had dinner with Elena and her family. It was wonderful to meet Elena’s daughters and husband, but Charlotte understood what Marin meant when she said she’d felt like she was wearing a mask around her friends while she was in the closet. Charlotte felt like she couldn’t fully be herself around Elena while she was keeping this secret, but she just wasn’t ready to share it with her.
Yet.
On Monday, Charlotte had her Zoom chat with Bev. This was her last lead. Where would she look next if Bev didn’t have new information for her? Because Charlotte didn’t know how to move forward with her life without getting closure about her mom.
She got dressed for the day since she had several showings that afternoon, and then she sat at her laptop and opened Zoom. She’d joined the session a few minutes early, so Bev wasn’t online yet, andCharlotte had to sit there, trying not to stare at herself on the video feed, wondering if she looked as nervous as she felt.
And suddenly, Bev was smiling at her from her computer screen. She looked older than Charlotte remembered, of course. Her brown hair was mostly white now, short and spiky, and her smile was as infectious as ever. Charlotte’s heart gave a funny little squeeze because the sight of Bev brought back so many fun memories from her childhood. She remembered the way her mom would laugh when Bev was around, and how Bev seemed to genuinely enjoy letting Charlotte join their conversations, even though she was just a child.
“Charlotte,” Bev exclaimed, and her wistful expression made Charlotte think Bev might be reliving some of the same memories. “Look at you, all grown up.” Her eyes grew misty, and she pressed her knuckles to her mouth. “My god, you look like Terri did at your age. Wow.”
Charlotte’s smile felt brittle on her face. She knew she looked like her mother, or at least, she knew she looked like photos of her mother, but Charlotte’s memories of her were so hazy. She’d been only ten when her mom disappeared. She wasn’t sure how much she really remembered and how much she knew from looking at photos and hearing stories about her. “Bev, it’s so good to see you. How is your husband doing?”
“Oh, he’s much better, almost fully recovered from the pneumonia. Thanks so much for asking.”
“I’m really glad to hear that,” Charlotte said.
“Me too.” She sighed. “Now that we’re talking, I regret not doing a better job of keeping in touch. I looked you up on Facebook about ten years ago, but I wasn’t sure you’d want to hear from me. Now I know I should have gone ahead and sent you a friend request.”
“It’s okay. I could have looked for you sooner too.” Charlotte took a deep breath. “But we’re here now.”
“And you want to know what became of your mom.” Bev rested a hand beneath her chin. She was in what looked to be her kitchen, with white cabinets visible behind her.
“I do. When I moved back to Vermont last fall, I decided I was going to find out what happened to her once and for all, but I’m already running out of leads.”
“It’s hard when people go missing,” Bev said. “So many questions left unanswered. But let me see if I can answer some of yours. Since the last time we spoke, I’ve racked my brain for information about your mom, and I’ve come up with a few tidbits you might be interested in. First of all, your parents’ marriage had hit a bit of a rough patch. I’m sorry if that’s hard to hear.”
“I know about the affair. I’ve spoken to Allan Svenson already.”
Bev’s face showed no surprise, which confirmed Charlotte’s suspicion that her mom had kept few secrets from her best friend. “Good. I’m glad you know. That was something I didn’t want to have to tell you myself. I’m not sure if it’s relevant to her disappearance or not, but ... your call got me thinking about things.”
“And?” Charlotte pressed, stomach tight.
“When I think back to that time, actually the last few years before Terri disappeared, I think ... well, she might have been depressed. I didn’t know much about mental health back then. I didn’t recognize it for what it was at the time, so I didn’t mention it during the investigation, but she’d lost interest in a lot of things she used to enjoy. She stopped wanting to play tennis with me. I’m not sure she even enjoyed teaching anymore. The affair was, I think, an attempt to bring some excitement back into her life, and maybe it did. She did seem happier those last few months before she disappeared.”
“Depressed,” Charlotte repeated, reeling. She hadn’t realized her mom was unhappy, but she didn’t remember her as particularly happy either. “Do you think ...” She couldn’t even say the words, but when depressed people disappeared, it generally meant they’d taken matters into their own hands.
“I don’t think she killed herself,” Bev rushed to add. “Although at this point, I guess we can’t rule it out, but I never thought she was suicidal. She just seemed ... sad.”
“Then what do you think happened?” Charlotte asked, her voice hoarse with emotion.
“At the time, I tried not to speculate. It was just too painful. But like I said, I’ve done a lot of thinking since you called, and I’ve come up with a theory. It’s not a verylikelytheory, mind you, but it’s the best I’ve got. The thing is, Terri had been talking about taking a vacation. She wanted to just get away from it all, you know? Go someplace tropical with turquoise water and sandy beaches. She mentioned it to me several times, and I didn’t get the feeling she was talking about a family vacation. She wanted time alone. I didn’t put two and two together at the time, but again ... hindsight and all that.”
Bev stared at Charlotte from the screen, suddenly serious. “I remember Terri telling me that if she made it down there, if she put her toes in the sand and had a tropical drink in her hand ... she might not want to come back.”
Chapter Twenty
On the following Saturday, Charlotte stopped by Marin’s house with coffee and breakfast before Marin set out to visit her sister Nancy. Her visit with Fran and Tom last weekend had gone pretty well, but Charlotte knew Marin had been dreading this one. Nancy was likely to disappoint her, and Charlotte wanted to offer as much support as she could beforehand.
