Marin pressed a hand over her eyes, trying to calm down when all she really wanted to do was curl in a ball and sob. She’d gone from such intense pleasure to misery in such a short time, it left her head spinning even more than it already had been from the wine. The emotional whiplash felt strong enough to rip her apart.
She sucked in several deep, desperate breaths until she was able to give the puppy a fake smile and lift Ember into her lap. “Sorry about that. Do you need to go outside, sweetie?”
Ember squirmed in her arms. Not sure if that was a yes or just general puppy restlessness, Marin stood and fastened Ember’s leash, then led her outside. She’d forgotten her coat, and the cold air was a shock to her system, but it did help sober her up. Charlotte’s car was still here, a visual reminder of what they’d done and how it had ended.
When Marin got back inside, she picked up her phone and sent a difficult but necessary text.
Me: I’m so sorry. I never meant to overstep my bounds with you.
The text was almost immediately read, but no dots bounced to let Marin know that Charlotte was responding. Charlotte sent nothing back, and that made Marin feel even worse. She was half delirious now from the aftereffects of the wine and her emotional upheaval. Her body felt sweaty and wrung out, and she desperately needed a shower and a good long cry.
Ember had other ideas. The puppy was bouncing off the walls, demanding Marin’s attention, so she did her best to fake a cheer she definitely didn’t feel as she sat on the floor to play with her.
Marin could fake a smile with the best of them, but inside ... she felt irreparably broken.
Charlotte was the worst friend in the history of friends. Last night had been 100 percent her fault. Marin had shared deeply personal things with her, and Charlotte had responded by kissing her. It had been one of the hottest kisses—if notthehottest kiss—of Charlotte’s life, and that had completely thrown her world off its axis. Then she’d panicked and bolted, thinking only of herself and how she felt in that moment.
But how had it felt for Marin? After telling Charlotte how long she’d craved a woman’s touch, how she’d waited to feel passion with a partner, Charlotte had kissed her, touched her, straddled her lap until Marin looked like she was completely overcome with pleasure, and then Charlotte had just ... left her there.
Now Marin had sent multiple apologetic texts—as if any of this were her fault—and to make matters worse, Charlotte hadn’t responded. She just couldn’t. Every time she even thought about what happened last night, she started to panic.Whyhad she kissed Marin?
Charlotte had spent so much of her life searching. She’d chased men, chased jobs, chased the possibilities offered in her daily horoscopes. None of it had helped her find what she was looking for, probably because she didn’t knowwhatshe was looking for, other than answers about her mom.
Which was why she was in Vermont, attempting to find those answers. Charlotte didn’t have the time or energy to question her sexuality right now. A relationship—with someone of any gender—wasn’t something she had the bandwidth for this year. Bottom line, Charlotte was a mess, and Marin deserved better.
It made her physically ill to think of how Marin must be feeling about the whole thing. Charlotte had ruined an important milestone for her—her first passionate kiss with a woman—and she would haveto live with that knowledge. More than anything, Charlotte wanted to hide from what she’d done, but first, she had to respond to Marin’s texts. It was the decent thing to do, even if their friendship didn’t survive this.
Me: You have nothing to apologize for. This was 100% my fault.
Me: I need some time but I’ll talk to you soon. Promise.
Marin Easterly: Take all the time you need. I’ll be here.
Damn her. Why did she always have to be sonice? Charlotte didn’t deserve her kindness, not today at least. She deserved to be told she was a shitty friend if not worse. Her phone vibrated again, and she tensed in anticipation of what else Marin would say, but the text was from Elena instead.
Elena Campos: I asked around and found Bev Sinclair. She’s in Burlington now. Here’s her #
Elena Campos: also found these pix of us from high school when I was going through old photo albums with the girls. How cute were we?!?!
Elena had attached several pictures of her and Charlotte from high school. Charlotte clicked on the first one to enlarge it. Elena and Charlotte had their arms around each other, hamming for the camera. In the next one, Elena was striking a silly pose while Charlotte gazed at her with unabashed adoration. The look of yearning on Charlotte’s face in that photo ...
Oh.
Fuck.
Her chest seized and her heart knocked into her ribs because those photos stirred feelings and emotions she’d long forgotten. They made Charlotte remember how it had felt to hold Elena in her arms, theobsessive need to be around her all the damn time. It was the same way she felt now with Marin.
But that meant . . .
Was it possible that Charlotte’s feelings for Elena had run deeper than friendship? That she’d fallen for her best friend in high school, and that was why she’d been so irrationally upset when Elena went to the prom with Marcus instead of Charlotte?
Oh god.
If that were true, it explained why Charlotte had gotten so emotional about the whole thing, why she’d let it ruin her friendship with Elena. It also suggested Marin wasn’t the first woman Charlotte had been attracted to, that Charlotte in fact had a history of falling for her female friends.
And that ... well, she just couldn’t deal with this right now. Charlotte was here in Middleton to find her mom and reconnect with her dad. She wasn’t here to question her sexuality.
Tears stung her eyes, and she clenched her hands into fists until she got her emotions back under control. The photos from Elena had sent her into such a spiral, she’d almost missed the fact that Elena had also given her a lead: Bev’s phone number.
