“I imagine coming out is always scary,” Marin said. “Do you have any idea how your parents will react?”
“I think they’ll be upset.” Brianna’s voice lowered almost to a whisper, and her shoulders slumped as she seemed to fold inward.
“I’m sorry.” Marin’s heart went out to this vulnerable young woman who might be about to lose the love and support of her parents.
Brianna made a quiet sound of distress. “I’m really dreading it.”
“That’s very understandable, but remember, there’s no rush. You should do this on your own terms and in your own time.”
Brianna’s hands clenched into fists in her lap. “It seems like everyone else at the Pride Coalition is already out. They’re all so ... authentic, you know? So sure of who they are. They aren’t afraid.”
“Oh goodness.” Marin shook her head. “I guarantee you some of them are just as scared as you are. The Pride Coalition is a safe place, right? Just because you see people feeling comfortable with themselves in those meetings doesn’t mean that’s how they act all the time.”
Brianna’s brow furrowed. “But . . .”
“Is someone pressuring you to come out before you’re ready?”
“No.” She frowned. “Well, I did hear someone at a meeting say that you’re living fraudulently until you’re out as your authentic self.”
Marin straightened in her chair. “That’s just not true. No one can decide when the right time is except you, and it’s important to keep your mental and physical well-being in mind as you make thatdecision. Would coming out now endanger you when you return to your parents’ house this summer? Might your parents stop paying your college tuition? On the flip side, do you feel like it’s having a negative effect on your mental healthnotcoming out to them?”
Brianna stared into space for a few seconds. “I don’t think I’d be unsafe, but they’ll probably be upset. They might try to convince me to leave this school, if they think it’s putting radical ideas in my head, but they aren’t paying my tuition. I’ve got loans, so they can’t make me leave. I’m eighteen. They can’tmakeme do anything.” Her jaw clenched.
Marin drew in a quiet breath. She desperately hoped she was giving good advice. Being so newly out herself, she felt a bit out of her depth here, but she wanted to help Brianna so badly. If nothing else, she understood Brianna’s fear on a soul-deep level. She also knew better than most how beneficial it could be to wait.
“I guess my next question is,” Marin said, “Do you see a benefit to telling your parents now versus waiting until after you’ve graduated and are living on your own? That way, you’d be less dependent on them in case it doesn’t go well. And remember, I’m not judging either way. I’m just trying to help you consider your options.”
“I don’t know. Telling them might make me feel better at first, but it might end up being worse if they react badly. I just ...” Tears ran down her cheeks, and her bottom lip shook. “Idofeel like a fraud sometimes. I go to the Pride Coalition meetings, but otherwise, I hide in the closet. I’m not out toanyone, except you, I guess. I play it safe. I’m straight passing, you know? I’m not as brave as those students who walk around campus being visibly queer.”
“I’m honored you felt comfortable coming out to me, but I have to disagree with you about one thing, Brianna. Youarebrave. Choosing to make the right decision for yourself is honestly the bravest thing you can do. It’s better than letting someone you barely know convince you that you need to come out before you’re ready.”
Brianna shook her head, more tears falling. “It doesn’t feel brave.”
“Trust me, it is,” Marin said firmly. “I recently came out to a friend for the first time, and it was a big deal. Ahugedeal.”
“Was she supportive?” Brianna asked hesitantly.
“Yes, she was, and it made me so glad I’d waited for the right time and the right person.”
“I ... I think my best friend would be supportive too.”
“Maybe that’s a good first step for you,” Marin suggested. “Maybe start by telling your friend, if you think they would be supportive and if that feels right to you.”
Brianna sat up straighter, hope blooming on her face for the first time since she’d entered Marin’s office. “Yeah, I think she would be. Maybe ... maybe I’ll tell her first.”
“That sounds like a good option,” Marin told her with an encouraging smile. “But remember, not telling anyone is perfectly valid too. I waited a very long time before I came out to anyone. That was the right decision for me, and I don’t regret it. The only one who can make your decision isyou. Got it?”
“Yeah.” Brianna wiped the tears from her face, looking calmer now. “Thanks. I wasn’t sure whether to come or not. I know you said we could stop by your office for advice, but ...”
“I meant it, and I’m really glad you stopped by.”
“I’m glad too,” Brianna said quietly. “This really helped. I had convinced myself that if I didn’t come out to my parents right now, I was being inauthentic and a coward, but what you said makes a lot of sense.”
“I’m glad. Come back and see me again, okay? My door is always open. You might also consider visiting the campus counseling center. Regular counseling can be a big help with working through something like this.”
“I’ll think about it. Thanks.” Brianna stood, gave Marin a shy wave, and left her office, looking more confident than she had when she entered it.
Marin watched her go, feeling cautiously proud of herself. This was one of the reasons she’d wanted to become a professor. She wanted to help guide young people, and while she’d envisioned helping them with statistics, in the long run, guidance on coming out might be even more important.
