“I’m sorry,” she whispered finally.
Michelle just nodded, looking down at her hands again.
“What ... what will you do now?”
Michelle shrugged. She looked up, and Audrey was absolutely gobsmacked to see tears on Michelle’s cheeks. “That’s the beauty of it, right? I don’t know what’s next, but I have a few months to work it out before I lose my NU paycheck. I’ll keep working on my book, and I’ll see what else is out there, but honestly, I don’t think I want to teach somewhere else. My heart’s not in it anymore.”
“Oh, Michelle . . .”
They stared at each other for several long seconds. Michelle’s expression radiated insecurity. She’d just quit her job, a job she’d held for fifteen years, a tenured job that could have seen her through retirement, and maybe she hadn’t martyred herself for Audrey, but she’d still done it, and it was a big fucking deal.
“My whole life, I’ve toed the line,” Michelle said quietly. “I’ve done what was expected of me. I gave NU everything I had until I got tenure, and then I kept it up because that’s what I was supposed to do. I’ve workedhard, and what have I got to show for it, really? I’m tired and disillusioned and disliked throughout the department. This is for the best. Honestly, it is.”
“But ... that’s so sad.” And Audrey promptly burst into tears all over again. God, she was an emotional mess today.
“It’s really not.” Michelle dropped her arms to her sides. “What was sad was me staying in a job I didn’t like.”
Audrey sat heavily on the couch, resting her head in her hands. Her mind was a jumbled mess. She’d just been laid off from a job she loved, and Michelle had just quit a job she hated. Where did this leave them? Was this an ending or a new beginning? “If this is truly what you want, then I’m happy for you, but ...” Audrey swiped furiously at her eyes. “Right now, everything about today just makes me want to cry.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Michelle sat beside Audrey on the sofa, placing two cups of tea on the table before them. “Here. Everything feels better after a good cup of tea.”
Obediently, Audrey lifted her cup and took a cautious sip to check the temperature. Then her eyes widened. “Did you spike this?”
Michelle shrugged, hiding her smile. “Well, why not? We’re in for the evening, and if there was ever a situation that called for spiked tea ...”
Audrey laughed, wiping tears from her cheeks before she took another sip. “Sounds like good logic to me.” She finished her first cup quickly, looking somewhat more relaxed with a little bit of alcohol in her veins. Her face was puffy, her makeup streaked. She’d been through the wringer today, no doubt about it.
“Why don’t you take a shower? Put on something comfortable,” Michelle suggested. “Then we’ll talk more.”
“Okay,” Audrey agreed quietly. “I’ll be right back.”
“Take your time.” Michelle watched Audrey walk upstairs, then took another sip of her tea. Suddenly, she was exhausted. She just wanted to stretch out on the sofa and close her eyes. She didn’t want to be in her work clothes anymore, though. With a groan, she hauled herself to her feet and went to retrieve the bag she’d left in her car, thenwent up to Audrey’s bedroom to change into cozy flannel pants and a long-sleeved T-shirt.
Back downstairs, she refreshed her tea and settled on the sofa. She’d quit her job today. She should probably be upset about it, but the only emotion she could identify in her jumbled thoughts was relief. Good lord, she was so relieved. Maybe she hadn’t fully realized how unhappy she’d been at Northshire until this moment.
Now that she could look ahead to a future away from this job, she felt as if she could draw a full breath for the first time in years. She sipped more tea, relishing the warmth of the whisky in her veins. With a smile, she leaned back and closed her eyes.
“You look awfully serene for someone who just quit her job,” Audrey said quietly, and the sofa dipped as she settled beside Michelle.
“I am.” She opened her eyes, relieved to see that Audrey looked calmer now, too, her skin damp and refreshed from the shower. “Have more tea. The whole pot is already spiked with honey, lemon, and whisky. A hot toddy, if you will.”
“Oh, I will.” Audrey kissed her cheek and then went into the kitchen. When she returned, mug in hand, she sat beside Michelle. “I owe you an apology. I was so upset earlier, and I took it out on you when you didn’t deserve it.”
Michelle knew that, but it was still nice to hear. “Thank you.”
“I didn’t even apologize yet,” Audrey said with a small laugh. “I only told you I owed you one, but Michelle ... I’msosorry. When I found out Stuart had offered you my class, I reacted so badly. There’s no excuse. I know I hurt you, and the truth is, I really, truly would have loved to see you teach that class. I’m so sorry you won’t get that chance.”
“I’m not,” Michelle told her. “I used to want that class more than anything, but I’ve moved past it. Writing this book has brought me more joy than any class I’ve taught in years. This is what I’m passionate about now. Honestly, I wish I could just write for a living, but it’s not feasible. I’ll need another day job, at least to start.”
Audrey gripped Michelle’s hand. “We could move to London. You’ve been wanting to leave Vermont. This is our chance. We can go anywhere, but you’ve already sacrificed so much, and London is your home. So let’s go.”
“Maybe,” Michelle said. “I appreciate your offer, but let’s see what NU does about my resignation first.”
“Even if they offer me my job back, I’m not sure I’d take it. It’s tainted now. I’d never feel good about being there, knowing they only hired me back because you quit.”
Michelletsked. “Don’t be naive. I’m not Stuart’s biggest fan—far from it—but he and whoever else was involved in the decision made the right call today. They had to let someone go, and even though some of the older professors are completely useless, they’re untouchable unless they do something heinous. You were on a temporary contract already, so it had to be you. I don’t believe for a minute that Stuartwantedto let you go. Given a free choice between us, he’d have kept you and fired me in a heartbeat. So, if he’s able to hire you back, please don’t let what happened today poison your feelings about your job.”
