“Audrey, and it’s her excuse, but it’s a sound one.”
“Hold on,” Kate said. “Does that mean you’ve discussed it with her?”
Michelle exhaled. She found it so difficult to talk about herself, but she was surprised to realize how much she wanted Kate’s opinion on the matter. “We kissed a few weeks ago.”
“What?” Kate screeched in her ear. “You kissed herweeksago, and I’m just hearing about it now? Tell me everything.”
“She invited me over for a lesson on her pottery wheel, and one thing led to another ...”
“I’m fanning myself over here,” Kate said, “because that sounds like something right out of a movie. Was it as hot as I’m imagining?”
“Yes,” Michelle admitted. Her face flushed just thinking about it. “But afterward, we agreed it couldn’t happen again.”
“Oh honey.” Kate laughed. “Promise to call me immediately the next time you kiss her?”
As Michelle entered Holman Hall on Monday morning, Kate’s words were still ringing in her ears. She didn’t want to hope for another kiss. Audrey had been clear that it couldn’t happen, but Michelle couldn’t seem to rein in her fantasies. And she couldn’t wait to see Audrey again. If anything, the bond between them seemed to have strengthened over the break while they were exchanging all those messages. Michelle loved this new development in their friendship.
“... so much turkey!” Audrey’s voice reached her ears.
Michelle felt an all-too-familiar jolt in the pit of her stomach at the sound. She turned to see Audrey and Heather standing near the elevator, and at Audrey’s excited wave, Michelle walked over to join them.
Audrey smiled at her. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she replied as warmth spread through her system. There was nothing like being on the receiving end of one of Audrey’s smiles.
“Audrey!” Mercy called as she walked past them. “Thanks so much for that article you sent over the weekend. I really enjoyed it.”
“Anytime,” Audrey responded.
“You and Mercy were sharing academic articles over Thanksgiving, and I’m texting you turkey GIFs,” Heather said, rolling her eyes.
“But I love your turkey GIFs.” Audrey did some sort of dance, presumably related to the turkey GIFs, and Michelle’s mood darkened.
In her mind, she’d been the only one Audrey was texting with all weekend, but of course, that had been naive of her. Audrey was a lot more social than Michelle. It was fine. She could text whoever she wanted.
It was an important reminder, though, that while Audrey was Michelle’s only friend in the department, the opposite was not true. Audrey had many friends here. She was well liked in a way Michelle never had been, and while Michelle was happy to see her succeed, it wasn’t doing anything to help her own withered self-esteem when it came to her role here.
Audrey and Heather were still talking about turkey GIFs, so Michelle slipped away and walked upstairs to her office. All the anticipation she’d felt as she entered the building a few minutes ago had faded now that reality had slapped her in the face.
She and Audrey were only friends, no matter how much Michelle wished they could be more. Michelle had built up their interactions in her head in a way Audrey clearly hadn’t, and yesterday she’d let Kate encourage her. But it had to stop because she hated the way she felt right now.
Michelle was entirely too old for this kind of behavior. She grumbled with frustration at herself as she sat behind her desk and began preparing for her day.
“You ran away from our conversation about turkey GIFs, huh?”
She looked up to find Audrey in the doorway to her office, and for a moment, Michelle forgot how to breathe. Her brain buzzed withoxygen when she finally inhaled, and good lord, she really needed to get this attraction to Audrey under control.
Unable to think of an appropriate response, she shrugged in answer to Audrey’s question.
“Hard to believe today’s December first, isn’t it?” Audrey leaned against the doorjamb, looking relaxed and at ease, the opposite of Michelle, who was wound so tight she was about to burst out of her own skin. “Before we know it, it’ll be Christmas.”
“Don’t remind me,” Michelle said with a groan. Going home for the holidays on her own was a miserable experience. It was probably the only time she missed Kelly. When she was married, she’d had a buffer during these visits, someone to sit beside her at meals and listen to her vent after a long, stifling day with her family.
Now she was on her own, and on top of it, she’d have to endure more of her mother’s pontificating about Michelle’s failures as a wife and how maybe, since things hadn’t worked out with Kelly, she should consider that she’d find more happiness with a man. Michelle felt herself glowering at the thought.
Audrey gave her an assessing look. “Not a fan of Christmas either? You’re such a scrooge.”
Michelle huffed, defensiveness rising in her chest because right now, she wanted to be the kind of woman Audrey would desire, the kind who loved dressing up in red and green and drinking festive cocktails while sitting in front of the Christmas tree. “I don’t dislike Christmas. I just dislike spending Christmas with my family.”
