Anna took another step back. “This isn’t fair, Eden. You told me you’re straight, and then you ... then you kiss me ...twice. I think it’s pretty obvious at this point that I’m attracted to you, but you can’t keep yanking me around like this.”
Eden’s eyes widened, glossy with tears. “I’m not ... that’s not ...” She gulped. “I’m so sorry, Anna.” Her voice was nothing but a whisper now. Tears spilled over her cheeks, and when she pushed a hand into her hair, it was shaking. “I never meant to do ... anything you just said.”
Anna blew out a breath. “Okay. It’s time. It’spasttime. We need to talk.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Eden sat in the middle of the bed, knees drawn against her chest and arms wrapped tightly around them. She couldn’t meet Anna’s eyes, so she looked down at herself instead. She was wearing the purple hoodie. Anna’s hoodie. Of course she was.
Anna had shut off the TV, and now the room was so quiet, Eden’s ears rang with it.
“Talk to me.” Anna’s voice was so gentle, with none of the hurt or anger she’d expressed after they kissed a few minutes ago.
Eden felt like she was in one of those fun houses where the furniture was mounted to the ceiling so you felt like you were upside down. Her equilibrium was way off. She felt like she might topple over, like she had no idea which way was up.
Anna was right to insist they talk, and yet ... Eden had never felt more vulnerable. She was terrified to speak these words out loud. Once she said them, there was no taking them back, and she still wasn’t sure if she could trust what she was feeling.
“I don’t know where to start,” she whispered.
“Wherever feels easiest,” Anna said. “Just say something—anything—and we’ll go from there.”
“I wasn’t lying ... when I told you I was straight. I am, or I was, or ... I thought I was.” She’d barely started, and already she wasn’t making sense.
“Okay.” Anna sounded unfazed by this confession.
Eden, by contrast, was starting to hyperventilate. Her head spun, and she couldn’t catch her breath. “I don’t know ...”
“It’s okay.” Anna slid closer so her shoulder bumped against Eden’s. “You don’t have to label yourself before you’re ready ... or ever, if you don’t want to. How you identify is so personal, and you’re under no obligation to share it with anyone.”
“I feel like ... like I don’t know myself anymore,” Eden whispered. Talking about this made it feel so much more real, like Eden was being yanked out of her own self-denial. Despite the thick hoodie, she felt naked. Exposed.
“You know it’s not unusual for people to come out later in life, right? So many people in their thirties or forties—or even older than that—realize they’re bi or gay or trans or nonbinary or whatever. Gender and sexuality can be fluid, and the older we get, the better we understand ourselves anyway. So if you’re going through something like that now, you should know that it happens literally all the time.”
“Really?” Eden peeked at Anna over her knees. She hadn’t known that. She’d assumed that if you were gay, you just knew—that she should have known in her teens. Didn’t most people?
“Totally,” Anna told her. “And you had such a sheltered upbringing in a way. You spent your teens rocketing to superstardom. You told me you’d never been kissed when you signed your first contract and that you had people controlling every aspect of your life, so you probably didn’t have a chance to experiment. If you assumed you were straight, and now you’ve realized you’re not ... that’s really not so surprising, when you think about it.”
“Wow.” Eden blinked rapidly, looking at her knees. Everything Anna had just said rang so true ... terrifyingly true.
Anna wrapped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “There’s no right or wrong answer here, only what feels right to you. And that can change with time. That’s okay too.”
Eden’s lungs hurt. She was breathing too fast, and her muscles were so tight. Why was this so hard? Anna was being so gentle and patient, and still Eden wanted to crawl out of her own skin.
I think it’s pretty obvious at this point that I’m attracted to you.
Anna’s words drifted back to her, and something in Eden settled at the memory. Anna was attracted to her. Eden was attracted to Anna. Maybe ... maybe it was as simple as that.
“I don’t think I’m straight,” she whispered, and just like that, the pressure in her chest eased. She gulped in a breath and met Anna’s eyes. “In fact, I know I’m not.”
“Congratulations.” Anna beamed at her, and that was the last thing Eden would have expected her to say. “I’m so happy for you that you’ve learned this about yourself, and I’m honored that you felt comfortable enough to tell me.”
“Well, kissing you was probably a clue.” Eden’s cheeks burned.
Anna laughed, giving Eden’s shoulders another squeeze. “Not necessarily. A lot of straight women want to try kissing a woman just to see what it’s like or for a dare or whatever. But to be honest, you don’t kiss like a straight woman.”
“God.” Eden squeezed her eyes shut, torn between mortification and curiosity. In the end, curiosity won out. “What does that mean?”
“It means you kissed me like you enjoyed it, like you were trying not to but couldn’t stop yourself.”