Desperate for a distraction from her chaotic thoughts, she turned on the TV in her dressing room and watched a business-makeover reality show where the host was renovating a failing bar. The bar owner was a pretty blonde who reminded her of Anna, andGod, Eden’s head was a mess.
At 7:30, Paris knocked on her door. Eden always watched the first thirty minutes of Anna’s performance before she started getting ready for her own. Why did all her routines for this tour involve Anna? She could feign a headache, but honestly, the best thing she could probably do right now was to stick to her schedule.
The quickest way to regain control was to act like tonight was any other night. So she let Paris lead her to the darkened area beside the stage where she could watch without being seen.
There in the shadows, she watched Anna take the stage in shimmering silver pants and a rainbow-striped tank top. The rainbow was made of sequins, causing Anna to sparkle from head to foot beneaththe spotlight. Her hair was down, tumbling over her shoulders in messy waves.
Gone were her high ponytail and athletic wear. Anna had tweaked her appearance for the tour to help shed her teen-star image, and it was working, in Eden’s opinion, anyway. Anna looked more mature, all right, and God, she was beautiful.
Eden’s heart sped at the sight of her. That tank top clung to her chest, outlining the shape of her breasts. What would they feel like in Eden’s hands? Her gaze dropped to the swell of Anna’s hips as she swayed to the beat of the song. Eden remembered the feel of Anna beneath her, those soft curves pressed against her body.
Just thinking about it flooded her with heat. What did that mean? Eden’s breath hitched. She’d finally felt all-consuming passion for the first time in her life, and she’d felt it for a woman. What else could it possibly mean? But she couldn’t ... she just couldn’t wrap her head around it yet.
Anna was a glittery rainbow up there onstage. She embodied pride. She knew all the terminology and had a diverse fan base that represented every color in that rainbow. She was secure in her identity, confident about who she was.
Eden didn’t feel comfortable eventhinkingshe might not be straight. It wasn’t that she was homophobic. No, her discomfort stemmed from somewhere else, and while she wasn’t ready to look too hard at herself yet, she suspected it was good old-fashioned impostor syndrome.
She felt deeply uncomfortable at the thought of claiming a label or wearing a pride flag on her clothing. She didn’t fit in with the queer community the way Anna did. Eden wasn’t even comfortable using the word “queer,” no matter how many times she’d heard Anna say it.
She was so clueless she’d apparently gone thirty-six years without experiencing the kind of passion most people enjoyed all the time. They were writing books and movies and songs about it, and she’d been trying to imitate them, unaware she was even missing out.
How could she have misunderstood herself so completely? Heat flooded her system again, and this time it was embarrassment. Discomfort. She wanted to crawl out of her own skin. She wanted to curl up in her bed and stay there until she’d figured herself out. The last thing she wanted tonight was to get on that stage and perform for twenty thousand people.
Onstage, Anna was singing “Love Me, Love You,” a powerful ballad about self-love. Eden’s ears rang with the thousands of voices singing along with her, the fans reacting to Anna’s music. Eden had never had an opening act who was so popular, who got the fans in their seats right at 7:30 to see her. She had no doubt she was witnessing a star in the making.
Had Anna wanted to kiss Eden? Was she attracted to her, or had she just reacted to the moment? Eden knew that Anna still idolized her, at least on some level, despite their friendship. But was it more than that? Were the fans onto something with#Edanna?
Eden wished she had someone she could talk this through with. But while she was friendly with Paris and the rest of her team, she couldn’t confide in them about something like this. They were her employees, after all. She considered Stella a friend, but she was straight and happily married, and while she wasn’t Eden’s employee, she was her manager, which still felt awkward. Calling Zach felt even more awkward.
Eden’s only real friend at the moment was Anna, and despite what she’d said earlier, Eden couldn’t talk to her about this. She couldn’t dissect that kiss with the woman she’d kissed, the woman she wanted more than she’d known it was possible to want someone. No, like it or not, Eden was going to have to process this on her own.
She squeezed her eyes shut and exhaled. Paris would be here any minute to take her backstage, and she had to get herself together. She’d performed on difficult days before—days when she had a headache or cramps, days when she’d had a horrible fight with her parents or read something awful about herself online. This was no different.
“Ready?” Paris said, touching Eden’s arm to get her attention.
Eden squared her shoulders with a nod. “Yes.”
When she took the stage that night, Eden felt her world shift into balance for the first time since the kiss. The music poured through her, centering her. As always, onstage she was in control. Here, she belonged. Eden worked her way through the choreography of her opening number, feeling like she was supercharged, like the emotional energy she’d been suppressing since that afternoon had finally found an outlet.
Before her, the crowd was on their feet, dancing and singing. Eden smiled for the first time in hours, relaxing into the familiar comfort of the stage. This was her happy place, surrounded by thousands of people who loved her. There was nothing like it in the world.
But when she blinked, she was remembering other happy moments. Sightseeing with Anna. Quiet afternoons watching TV together in bed. Anna made her happy. Eden blinked again, clearing the thoughts away.
As the song ended, she waved to the crowd. “Good evening, Denver! I hope you’re ready to dance, because we’ve got a fun night ahead. I think you might recognize this next song.” She winked as the opening beat of “Daydreamer” began to play.
The crowd screamed, smiling faces as far as she could see. Sometimes she resented having to sing this song night after night. She’d recorded it when she was sixteen, back when she’d had little say over the type of music she made. She’d been singing it for twenty years now, at least a decade since she’d gotten sick of it, but seeing the excitement on the fans’ faces, she’d happily perform it for twenty more.
She’d sing this song every night for the rest of her life if it meant she got to dothis.
“I love you, Eden!” someone screamed.
She grinned. “I love you too.”
The show passed in a blur of choreography and costume changes, and before she knew it, Anna had joined her onstage for their “After Midnight” duet. Anna wore the purple dress tonight, reminding Eden how she’d told those fans in the elevator about it.
Had that really only been a few hours ago? It felt like a lifetime. Everything in Eden seemed to sparkle as she faced Anna, like her emotions had taken on the qualities of the sequins on her costume. Her brain short-circuited when Anna’s arm brushed against hers, and for a moment, she feared she’d lose the song the way she had that night in Vegas.
Worse, she feared she’d ruined their friendship with that kiss. But then Anna smiled at her, and everything inside Eden calmed. They’d be okay. There was no other option.