“That’s the question, isn’t it?” I crossed one ankle over the other, turning my attention to the puffy clouds drifting overhead.
“And how do you want to answer it?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. Part of me wanted to jump in with both feet and make the most of every moment we had together before Phoebe left town, but my pragmatic side wanted to hit the brakes before we’d even gotten started. We’d had our night, and it had been amazing. Memories had been made, and the safe thing to do now was to pivot back to friendship before I got my heart broken by Phoebe a second time.
“You’re doing a lot of thinking there,” she said, narrowing her eyes at me.
“Then tell me what you’re thinking,” I deflected.
“Okay,” she said with a nod. “My head says it’s a terrible idea. I’m leaving town soon, and statistically, long-distance relationships have a high probability of failure. Not to mention, I just got out of a serious relationship, which means that again, statistically, you’d be my rebound, and those don’t tend to work out either. If you look at the numbers, we’re a terrible idea. But my heart tells a different story.”
“What does your heart say?” I asked, almost terrified to hear the answer.
“My heart says we owe it to ourselves to see where this is going.” She reached over and took my hand. “You’re all I think about, Taylor. I thought I was going to spend my time in Vermont missing Sabrina and fuming about that meme, but I’ve barely thought about either since I got here. If I was truly heartbroken over losing her, I’d be miserable now. I wouldn’t have gotten over her so easily.”
“You sure seemed to get over me pretty easily last time,” I said, knowing it was a cheap shot but unable to resist taking it.
“I didn’t.” Her voice trembled as she spoke. “I was an absolute mess that fall. I spent weeks crying in my bedroom. My parents were pulling out their hair trying to figure out what was wrong, but I was too terrified to tell them. I thought they’d disown me or throw me out of the house. That was overly dramatic thinking, but in my defense, I was sixteen.”
I managed a smile. I didn’t like hearing that she’d been as heartbroken as I was, but at least I could understand the feeling.
“Anyway, I felt terrible about running off on you, and I was so afraid you’d never speak to me again, even if I worked up the courage to call you. My mind was playing all kinds of tricks on me by then. Part of me hoped that if I just didn’t think about you, I could go back to thinking I was straight. And the longer I waited to call you, the more convinced I became that you’d never be able to forgive me. I was a mess.”
“I didn’t know,” I said.
“Of course you didn’t, because I never called.” Her gaze fell. “I’ll forever be sorry about that.”
“I could have called too, you know? Like you said, sixteen-year-olds aren’t exactly known for their excellent decision-making skills.”
“And that’s what makes me want to try again,” Phoebe said, raising her eyes to mine. “Don’t we owe it to ourselves to give our relationship a real chance?”
“Jesus.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “I don’t know.”
“Maybe we can get it right this time, Taylor.”
“But you live in Boston,” I reminded her.
“I do now, but that doesn’t mean I have to live there forever.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying…let’s not think about long-term logistics yet. Let’s just make the most of our time together here in Vermont and see what happens.”
“I don’t want to start a relationship that doesn’t have a chance of succeeding,” I said, hearing the gruffness in my voice. “I’m a small-town girl at heart, Phoebe. I just want a simple life here with my family and my dogs. I’d be miserable if I tried to live in the city, and you love Boston. I couldn’t ask you to give that up for me.”
“Then don’t ask,” she whispered. “I don’t know what the answer is—not yet anyway—but I know these hurdles aren’t insurmountable. So I’m asking you for a fresh start. Let’s just enjoy our time here together, and if we have something worth fighting for when it’s time for me to leave, then let’s fight for it.”
I took a deep breath and blew it out. The logistics that Phoebe was so blasé about felt like a big deal to me. Her heart would always be in Boston, and I was powerless to change that. But at the same time, I was already too emotionally invested tonotkeep sleeping with her for however long she was in Vermont. “How about a compromise?” I suggested.
“Like what?” Phoebe asked, giving my fingers another squeeze.
“A summer fling,” I said. “No regrets when it’s time for you to leave.”
“But we can reevaluate when the time comes?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Let’s not make promises we can’t keep. We’re good at summer flings, right? Maybe that’s all we’re meant for.”
“Taylor…” Her brows drew together.