Performing with Sophie tonight had been…hard. Sophie had been amazing, just as Jules expected her to be, and the energy between them was electric. But now Jules was paying the emotional toll. All she wanted to do was sit here in her dressing room and indulge in a good long cry, but she didn’t have time for that. Sarah had already been by to let her know people were waiting outside the stage door, not that she really needed to at this point. It had become a nightly event, a highlight of Jules’s day.
So, she stood, wrapped up in her coat, and grabbed her bag. She picked up two markers from the pile on her dressing table and went down the hall to Sophie and Tabitha’s dressing room, wishing like hell that her heart wasn’t already trying to beat its way out of her chest at the thought of speaking to her.
Sophie was on the couch, deep in conversation with Tabitha, hands waving in the air as she spoke, and Jules saw the moment she spotted her, because she froze, mouth hanging open, eyes widening just slightly.
“Want to join me?” Jules asked, holding out a black sharpie.
Sophie’s eyes got even bigger. “What?”
“Micki and Amir come out every night. This time, it’s your turn.”
“Oh shit,” Sophie said, confirming Jules’s suspicion that it wouldn’t have occurred to her to sign at the stage door otherwise.
Tabitha squealed, giving her a playful shove off the couch. “Go, go! Sign for your fans.”
“Come on,” Jules said, glad for her coat and scarf to hide the pounding of her heart and the way she couldn’t quite seem to catch her breath whenever she stood this close to Sophie. She’d hoped by now it would have gotten easier, but of course, it hadn’t.
Sophie was oddly quiet as she stood and started putting on her coat. She picked up her bag and said good night to Tabitha before following Jules into the hall.
“Here.” Jules handed her the sharpie, making sure their fingers didn’t brush in the process. “You were really great tonight.”
“Thanks,” Sophie said. “Helps when I’m performing with the best.”
They smiled at each other, and Jules felt something inside her loosen. Maybe it would be easier if they just acted normal with each other. Maybe she was making things more difficult by avoiding Sophie. Then she felt her gaze drawn to Sophie’s pink lips, and just like that, her heart was racing all over again. She held in a sigh as she pushed through the door to reveal a handful of people standing outside in the cold, playbills in hand.
Amir was already out there, chatting with the theatergoers as he signed their playbills, and Jules and Sophie joined him. They weren’t a talkative crowd tonight, thanking Amir, Jules, and Sophie politely for their time before they headed off into the night. With a wave, Amir headed toward the subway, leaving Jules and Sophie standing there alone with no choice but to walk home together the way they’d done before everything had fallen apart.
They were quiet as they started to walk, and Jules wished she could say it was a comfortable silence, but it wasn’t. It was the kind of loaded silence shared by two people who no longer knew what to say to each other, heavy with unspoken words and hurt feelings. Several times, Sophie looked over at her like she had something to say, but she never spoke, and neither did Jules. They reached the corner where they would part ways without having said a word.
“Jules…” Sophie gave her a beseeching look.
“I know.” She rubbed a hand over her face. “I’m sorry. I’m doing my best.”
“If I stayed, would that change things?” Sophie asked hesitantly.
Jules felt her stomach plummet to her toes. “That is such an unfair thing to ask of me, Sophie. You made the decision to leave. You accepted the job in Syracuse. You ended our relationship. You don’t get to just change your mind because you went on for Micki tonight.”
Sophie bowed her head. “What if I made a mistake?”
“Sophie!” Her voice came out sharper than she’d intended. “I’m not a puppet. You can’t yank me back and forth depending on whether you had a good night on stage or not.”
Sophie flinched. “I’m sorry. That’s the last thing I meant to do.”
Jules tugged at her scarf, unsure what to say.
“Did you mean those things you said?” Sophie asked. “About how it never would have worked between us, always competing for roles?”
“I don’t know.” She looked at her hands as the icy night air stung the tears on her cheeks. “I want to say we’re better than that. If the tables were turned, I would have been thrilled for you if you’d been cast as Bianca, but can you honestly say the same?”
Sophie’s bottom lip trembled, her eyes glossy, and unlike Jules, Sophie was not a crier. “I know I was bitter at first, and I shouldn’t have been. Honestly, that’s part of the reason I decided to leave, because I don’t want to be that person.”
“And that’s a problem I don’t know how to fix,” Jules said quietly.
“I…” Sophie faltered.
Jules sighed. “This was always about more than your job in Syracuse. I think you were running away. You got frustrated or scared or whatever, and you decided to run.”
“I did,” Sophie whispered. “I know I did.”
