“The opportunity in Syracuse is a good one,” Sophie said. “Maybe I should listen to my parents for once and take it.”
“But is it whatyouwant?” Jules cocked an eyebrow at her.
“I’m not sure,” she answered. “It’s always been my dream to star on Broadway, to earn a living in the theater, doing what I love. Now I have to decide which part of that dream is most important to me. Because working at the Alton Theater would give me the second part. I’d have a reliable salary, agoodsalary, and I’d be managing the program that made me a performer. It’s exciting, and I love that theater. I practically grew up there.”
“But…” Jules pressed.
Sophie sighed. “But it means giving up my Broadway dream, giving up performing all together. Leaving the city. Leavingyou.”
“Those are big things.” Jules said. “I haven’t known you very long, but you’re a performer, Soph. Would you really be happy directing kids?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted.
“I just don’t want to see you give up on your dream too soon.” Jules reached over and squeezed her knee beneath the table. “I keep thinking about the day I met you and how hungry you were for the role of Bianca. You come alive on stage. I know, because I’m the same way.”
Sophie straightened in her seat. Everything Jules had said was true, but there was a flipside to the picture she’d painted, ugly cracks in the foundation of Sophie’s dreams. There was the fear she wasn’t good enough, that she’d never succeed on Broadway. How long should she stay and fight before she accepted that some things simply weren’t meant to be?
“Just don’t rush into anything, okay?” Jules said.
“Did we rush in?” Sophie couldn’t help asking, because mixed in with everything else was the fear that Jules would leave her the way Brianna had.
“Maybe a little, but I don’t have any regrets.” She paused, glancing at Sophie. “Do you?”
“No,” she said, but it didn’t sound convincing, even to her own ears.
“I like you, Sophie,” Jules said quietly. “I like youso much. And I’m going to do the work to make you a part of my life the way you deserve to be.”
“I’m sorry,” Sophie said, fighting a mounting sense of frustration with herself and everything about her current situation. “This is all so new for you, and I feel like I’m pressuring you with my baggage, but I can’t help how I feel either.”
“It’s all going to work out,” Jules said, eyes glossy. “I really think so, but we can slow things down if that’s what you want.”
“We’re going to be so busy over the next few weeks anyway,” Sophie told her, shaking her head as if it might help her to shake off her insecurities. “Let’s just play it by ear, okay?”
Jules nodded. “Things are going to be crazy. Hopefully, by the time we’ve found our footing with the show, you’ll have decided whether you’re moving, and I’ll have had a chance to come out to my family. Then, if you’re staying, we can take the next step.”
“And what would that be?” Sophie asked.
“Anything. Everything. We could start with that double date with Josie and Eve.”
* * *
Jules learnedanother difference between dating a man and a woman that week, because as she woke on Thursday morning with nausea churning in her stomach, she didn’t have to wonder if she was pregnant. Nope. This was just nerves. A lot of nerves. So many nerves she was beginning to wonder if she was cut out for a leading role after all.
Holding in a groan, she climbed out of bed. This was the final day of dress rehearsals. Her family was flying in this afternoon. Previews began tomorrow night. Shit was getting real. Her hands shook as she fixed herself a coffee. It burned all the way down, only worsening the ache in her stomach. She needed to eat something if she was going to make it through the day, no matter how unappealing food sounded. Remembering Sophie’s on-the-go meal of choice, a protein bar, she decided to stop for one on the way to the theater.
She and Sophie hadn’t seen each other outside of work since she left Jules’s apartment on Sunday afternoon, and right now, Jules was missing her something fierce. She needed to hold her, to kiss her. She needed the peace she always seemed to find in Sophie’s arms. With a sigh, she closed her eyes, remembering their New Year’s kiss, that brief bubble of contentment they’d shared before the real world came crashing back in on them.
When she opened her eyes, Pippin was on the counter in front of her, amber eyes wide. He knew she wasn’t herself this week. He just didn’t know why. As they made eye contact, he leaned in, bumping his head against hers.
“Thanks, Pepito,” she told him. “I’ll be okay. I just need to get through tomorrow night.” She gave him a quick rub before she bundled up and headed for the door. Downstairs, she pushed outside, only to be slapped in the face by Mother Nature. The air was heavy, the sky gray, and a frigid wind whipped down the street, tossing her hair in her eyes.
She tucked it under her hat, eyeing the sky with apprehension as she walked toward the market at the end of the block. Hopefully, it wasn’t going to snow. She’d been so preoccupied with rehearsals, she hadn’t checked the weather, but her mom hadn’t mentioned anticipating bad weather for her flight. Jules didn’t need anything extra to stress about today.
She entered the market and picked out a strawberry banana protein bar, not that the flavor mattered much. She was going to have to force it down regardless. After paying for it, she headed outside, walking quickly to keep warm as she took tiny bites of the protein bar, chewing until it was fruity mush in her mouth. Eventually, she managed to eat the whole thing, and by the time she arrived at the theater, she felt a little bit better.
Inside, she jogged down the stairs to her dressing room. She went in and closed the door behind her, needing a moment to prepare herself for the day ahead. The morning would be spent going over last-minute tweaks and hashing out all the details for their first performance.
After lunch, they would do one final run through in full costume and makeup. This was an invited dress rehearsal, and various friends and family of the cast and crew would be in the audience. If her mom made it here from the airport quickly enough, she’d be seeing Jules perform today. Regardless, she’d be giving her first performance as Bianca in front of an audience today. A few of her friends would be out there. Sophie’s friends. There might even be a handful of industry people in attendance.
