* * *
Eve had thoughteverything about this was going to be easier. She’d thought that once she broke up with Josie, things would go back to normal. But here she was, over a week after she’d filmed her follow-up segment at Dragonfly, only a few days before the finished episode was set to air, and she was still miserable. She’d gotten back into all her old routines, but none of them brought her the same sense of joy and peace they once had.
She missed Josie. She even missed the damn kittens. She missed middle-of-the-night bottle feedings and waking to the fruity smell of Josie’s shampoo. She missed holding her, kissing her, fucking her until they were breathless and sated.
On Thursday, when she still couldn’t shake her melancholy, she wasn’t entirely surprised to find herself boarding the commuter train to New Jersey after work, something she hadn’t done in a long time. Too long. She got off near Freehold, Lisa’s hometown, and called an Uber to take her to the cemetery. She almost smiled when she remembered the night she’d insisted Josie text her the vehicle information before she got into a car by herself.
Eve had ridden alone in plenty of Ubers, but there were certain situations—like when she was outside the city, about to travel on less populated roads—that made her more aware of her vulnerability as a woman. The irony of the situation was that she didn’t have anyone to text her vehicle information to, not a single person in her life who cared enough to make sure she made it safely to her destination.
That wasn’t entirely true. There wasn’t a single person Eve hadallowedto care. Because Josie had wanted to be that person for her. Hell, Josie would be here with her now, riding beside her while the annoyingly talkative but thankfully not creepy Uber driver took her to the cemetery on the other side of town.
Nostalgia rolled over her as the car passed a road that would have taken her to the apartment where she’d lived with Lisa. Eve had never wanted to live in the suburbs. She’d moved to New Jersey as a stepping-stone on her path to Manhattan. She’d never planned to fall in love and get married here, but she’d been happy.
If she hadn’t lost Lisa, she would probably still be living in Freehold, commuting to work in the city, or maybe she’d be running Marlow Marketing out of her home office so she could spend more time with her family.
And maybe that was exactly what Josie meant when she said she’d never wanted to own her dad’s bar but would still do anything to save it. She’d had to put her dreams on hold to take over the family business. Eve had put her dreams on hold to start a family. Both of their lives had taken unexpected turns, both altered by tragedy. As she watched her old neighborhood pass by outside the window, Eve finally understood Josie’s motivations.
It was getting dark when she arrived at the cemetery, streetlamps flickering around her as they turned on, casting their yellowish glow over the setting sun. She’d bought flowers at a stand in the train station, although she hadn’t been able to find sunflowers—Lisa’s favorite—so she’d settled for a colorful mixed arrangement.
But as she crouched in front of the simple granite headstone that marked her wife and daughter’s final resting place, she found an arrangement of white carnations already there. They were somewhat wilted, as if they were a few days old. Who were they from? Lisa’s parents always brought roses or sunflowers. Eve moved them to the side and set down her own flowers. She touched Lisa’s name, pressing her fingers against the cold stone.
“I miss you,” she whispered, steadying her breathing until she could see through the tears clouding her vision. Then she stood, one heel sinking into the grass, throwing her off-balance. She shifted her weight, yanking it free. Rookie mistake, wearing heels to the cemetery. She was out of practice.
Eve had never known quite what to do with herself here. She wasn’t going to curl up on Lisa’s grave and cry, no matter how tempting that felt at the moment. Talking to her dead wife felt similarly uncomfortable. Instead, she walked to a nearby bench and sat. There was a heaviness inside her that seemed to press her into its harsh metal surface.
This was why she didn’t come. The grief here was overwhelming. Her bottom lip shook, and her eyes ached with unshed tears. Her chest felt as if it had turned to lead. Casting a somewhat desperate glance around the cemetery, Eve’s eyes caught on another arrangement of white carnations, identical to the one on Lisa’s grave.
Curious, she stood. As she walked to the other grave, she was hit with a sense of déjà vu. Derek Felton. Why was that name familiar? But just as quickly, she remembered. She’d met Derek’s widow, Regina, here at the cemetery just a few months after Lisa’s death. Derek had been gone only a month. Eve and Regina had sat together for hours, laughing and crying, finding comfort in their shared grief. After that first afternoon, they’d met for coffee a few times before eventually losing touch.
Had Regina put flowers on Lisa’s grave? Had she been bringing her flowers for six years?
Eve blew out a breath, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. She hadn’t thought of Regina in years, had never brought flowers for her husband. Maybe she really did deserve her icy reputation. More tears fell, and she swiped at them angrily. This was her life now, alone and miserable, crying in front of a stranger’s grave.
But he wasn’t a stranger. She’d never met Derek, but Regina had told her so much about him, Eve felt like she knew him in some small way. He’d been a good man, and he’d left behind a widow every bit as heartbroken as Eve herself had been.
She should call Regina and thank her for the flowers. The thought crystallized in her mind, and before she could second-guess herself, she pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts, half-surprised to find Regina’s number still stored in her address book. Eve pressed Send, resting one hand against Derek’s headstone as the phone rang.
“Hello?” a woman answered.
“Regina?” Eve asked.
“Yes. Who’s this?”
“I’m Eve Marlow. We met…well, we met at the cemetery about six years ago.”
Regina gasped. “Eve. Wow, it’s been a long time.”
“It has,” Eve agreed. “This might be an odd question, but I found carnations on my wife’s grave, and the same flowers on your husband’s. Did you bring them?”
“Yes, I did,” Regina answered with a smile in her voice. “I’ve brought her flowers a few times over the years.”
“Thank you.” Eve’s voice cracked, and she cleared her throat. “I really appreciate that.”
“Of course,” Regina said. “I’m so glad you called. I lost all my contacts a few years ago, but I’ve often wondered how you were doing.”
“I’m…okay,” Eve said, feeling anythingbutokay. Maybe this was why she’d really called Regina, because they had this in common. They both knew the pain of losing a spouse. Suddenly, Eve needed to commiserate with her on how fucking miserable it was, even now. “How are you?”
“I had a rough time after Derek passed,” Regina said. “But I’m remarried now.”
