“It’s not like we’d ever talked about end of life wishes or anything. I mean, we were only eighteen. We were all so desperate to save her. We would have done anything to keep her alive those first weeks, months even. Her parents never gave up on a miracle, but at some point over the years, I realized we were just watching her die. Years and years of watching her die.”
Megan wrapped her arms around him. “I honestly can’t even imagine. No one should have to.”
“I wish like hell I didn’t,” he admitted. “I feel like I spent nine years dying alongside her.”
“You put your whole life on hold,” she whispered. “Alana was a lucky woman to have a husband like you. I’m sorry she never got the chance to live the life you guys had planned together.”
“It’s a strange position to be in.” He tucked Megan’s head under his chin, enjoying the freedom to hold her, realizing how long it had been since he’d experienced the simple pleasure of holding someone like this. “I mourned her when she died, but in some ways, it felt like I had already mourned her. I’ve essentially been alone for ten years. I haven’t…I feel embarrassingly out of practice at anything a man my age should be experienced in.”
And that admission, uttered in an otherwise silent barn with Megan nestled against his chest and several horses watching in idle curiosity, left him feeling raw.
She lifted her head, her gaze dropping to his lips. “That’s a hell of a thing.”
“It is.” He laughed, surprising himself at the unexpected reaction.
“You may be out of practice at a few things because you were faithful to your wife, but I’m sure it will all come back to you when the time comes.” She sat up, resting a hand on his shoulder. “And you’re experienced enough in other areas to make up for it. You’ve lived through more than most people do in a lifetime already, Jake. You’ve got to be as tough as a…what are those big horses in the Budweiser commercial called?”
“Clydesdale?”
“You’re as tough as a Clydesdale, inside and out. You’re going to do amazing things with your life, now that you actually have the chance to live it.”
